Reinstating Visits

Yesterday I left work early because the headache I woke up with could not be controlled with Aleve. I slept most of the afternoon and woke-up with my headache dulled but not gone. I took one more Aleve and that did the trick. My stomach has been off since Sunday night. I haven’t been sick, but I have been feeling nauseous and like I’m about to be sick at any moment. I have an aversion to food but I don’t find it makes me feel any worse when I do eat. I know a very strong stomach virus has been making the rounds and I’m hoping this isn’t how it starts.

 

Before I left work yesterday I received an email from the county case worker in response to the one I sent her the previous day. I had asked several questions, which she half-answered promising more detailed answers coming soon. Then, she sent a second email asking for me to get letters from the professionals who see the kids and feel reinstating visits with their mother would not be in their best interest. Apparently, their mother’s attorney is planning on insisting visits be reinstated since their mom has been doing so much better. I questioned how this could be possible, since TPR has been scheduled for December 16^th and our CHOR case worker questioned why it would be entertained considering TPR was supposed to happen in June. We are hoping this is just CYS doing a cya, but it is frightening to me that the court would even consider this idea. It’s not that I wouldn’t want the children to see their mom, especially considering she is healthy right now, I’m just worried about how it might affect Chica Marie’s behaviors in school and impact her education. And, for Love Bug, he would need to ease into it in a way I highly doubt would be carried out. In order for him to be ok with the visits, he would need to do a few with me there for the whole time and then slowly wean him down to me not being there. To drop him off and have his mom hugging him and kissing him and trying to hold him, well he would be totally freaked out. And I feel really bad saying that, but he just doesn’t know her. To him, I am mommy. He still has a pretty high intolerance to strangers, especially ones who try to do more than talk to him. He takes a little while to warm up to people, as most toddlers do. The concerns for Chica Marie are even more pressing, I believe. While she would be happy to meet and spend time with her mom, the last time she did (and it was a good meeting!) her behaviors took a nose-dive and we were dealing with several weeks of regression because of it. When she was in daycare, it was manageable and not as detrimental as it could be now that she is in school. She is finally starting to stabilize and get into the groove with kindergarten, I would hate to see her regress and possibly miss out on some learning or worse, be moved into an emotional support classroom.

 

So, after sending an email questioning how this could be happening, I called and spoke with our CHOR case worker and Chica Marie’s mobile therapist. Last night I asked Love Bugs OT to write a letter, which she readily agreed to do. I called Chica Marie’s psychiatrist and her mobile therapist agreed to follow up with him as well. Her TSS worker will write about her behaviors at school and I asked the daycare to write what they could remember about her regression the last time she saw her mother.

 

I just don’t understand how this could be possible. I don’t understand anything about this case. After nearly 18 months of not seeing their mother, it seems unfathomable that the court would insist on bi-weekly visitation when TPR and adoption are just around the corner. And, it’s not just that I don’t want the children to see their mother, I just want the children to be stable and healthy and be able to emotionally process the big feelings that might come with seeing their mother. I don’t want to see them be forced into bi-weekly visits if they aren’t able to handle it. And, I certainly don’t want Chica Marie to have any stumbling blocks in front of her when it comes to improving her behaviors in school. I’m very nervous about court now.

 

The ironic thing is, Chica Marie and Love Bug will be going into CYS a week earlier to meet with the GAL so they don’t have to be there the day of court and risk seeing their mother, as they did in the summer. It was brought up during a meeting with the school and the county case worker mentioned the children could be seen ahead of time, rather than during court. How is that not evidence enough that reinstating visits isn’t a good idea?

 

This morning the county worker sent me an email about a bonding observation test. I’m not sure when she is hoping to have this performed or what exactly it will entail, but I’m sure it will have something to do with the plea for visits to resume. I can’t wait for all this insanity to die down again.