Knight in Shining Armor

There is a great scene in the season 5, episode 18 (I think it was episode 18) on the show The Fosters where Stef is talking to her son Brandon. She tells him his worth isn’t in how he can rush to someone’s aide and take care of them. She chides him for always putting others before himself and forgetting to take care of his own needs. She apologizes for instilling this feeling in him because she was struggling with anxiety and her sexuality when he was young and he felt the need to take care of her. He recalled playing piano to help her feel better when her anxiety flatlined her on the couch. He was only 5 years old. When he shared this memory with his mother, it made her think of how that might have affected him. Stef expressed her worry about Brandon taking care of Grace and not following his own dreams for his life after high school.

 

This scene was especially poignant because it could have been me talking to Primero. In talking about his past, Primero has told me stories of how he took care of his mother and even saved her life when she tried harming herself. He still exhibits these traits with his family members and also his Toxic Friend. He wants to be the savior, he wants to help someone fix things even if the mess is of their own making. I think I might be the only person Primero does seem to express the need to ride in like a knight on a white horse and save the day. He did this for his mom on Easter Weekend, when she wanted to come stay with us (one of the few times I felt blessed to have a house too small to accommodate many people!). He used to exhibit those behaviors a lot with his sister, but that has seemed to lessen probably because it has been replaced with Toxic Friend. He wants to be everything for this kid even to his own detriment. It’s really hard to watch. And, I need to be mindful of my own boundaries and keep them firmly in place because I tend to be a people pleaser and sometimes have a hard time saying no. I don’t like not helping someone in need, if I can, but I’m learning to discern someone truly in need versus someone who looks for others to bail them out time and time again. It seems a lot of the people mentioned above fall into the later category. And, if I know one thing for sure it is this, you cannot save someone from themselves.

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