It’s only the second day of the new year and already I’ve gotten a call regarding a legal risk placement. Unfortunately, I’ve already written it off because it is a placement from Berks county. Also, unfortunately, it is hard to get too excited about a three year old child when the last call had been for a tiny infant. That’s cruel I know and, should that be the age of the child I end up adopting, I’m sure I would change my tune. But, this call and this placement get filed away into the “it-ain’t-gonna-happen” category. The adoption coordinator who called me first apologized about the baby and reiterated the 30 day hearing. She then told me the two little girls I had expressed interest in were going somewhere else (duh, they were from Berks county). And then she told me about this new placement. I said yes, but after I asked what county he was from I knew it was a done deal. Still, it’s nice to get a call so early in the year.
In other news, Montana and I spent New Year’s eve together. We ordered take-out Chinese food and got two movies from RedBox. At my house, we cuddled on the couch and watched the movies until the ball drop. Then we watched fireworks from the back (kids) bedroom. I’m glad I didn’t let my paranoia make me stop seeing him. I like him more and more each time we are together. No, there is still no tingly spark when we kiss, but there is definitely affection, so there might be hope. After the ball drop and the fireworks we talked for a bit and then had a marathon make-out session during which Montana professed his love for me. And I did not reciprocate. Yikes bikes! I heard him say it and I just pretended I didn’t hear it, which of course I did. But, there’s no way I could get those words past my lips. For many reasons. One, it is way too soon to think it let alone say it. Two, I am still mistrusting of nearly any man who is interested in me because I still have some serious scabs over some very deep wounds. Three, I don’t think anyone can say they love me until they see me angry – it’s my litmus test. Four, we only just determined last weekend that we are officially dating and not just “special friends.” Five, I don’t know him all that well and I would say the same about him not knowing me all that well – which I guess is kind of the same thing as saying it’s too soon…… But, it happened. He said it and I did not. We have plans to go to the Farm Show in Harrisburg pending the coming snow storm and extent of the aftermath. Some of the awkwardness seems to be fading away, which is good. I just want to keep taking baby steps and hope he can be patient while I struggle to excise my inner demons…… Oddly enough, when I stopped in to see my grandparents yesterday on my way to my parents for the traditional pork an sauerkraut meal, I mentioned that I was seeing someone when my grandmother (Nana) asked me if I was alone for New Years. She nearly cried she was so happy for me. She asked about him and I told them his name, which is a surname mostly associated with the Amish and Mennonite community in our area. Montana’s family might be Mennonite (I never point-blank asked him and he never mentioned it – I guess it doesn’t really matter to me, although I have no plans to begin adopting the Mennonite fashion – to be fair, the Church of the Brethren, which is the denomination of the church I attend, isn’t terribly different theologically from the Amish/Mennonite religion, it’s just less strict in terms of lifestyle and modern convenience/technology), but he is certainly not Amish – he drives a red Dodge Charger not a black horse-drawn buggy…. I told my grandparents he’s not Amish, but they continued to believe it, telling me if that was the lifestyle that made me happy that was ok with them! And Nana began working on a dinner menu for when she gets to meet him. Since she believes he’s Amish, she assumed he would like her homemade Shoofly pie and Pa Dutch style potpie. It was sweet to see her get so excited and I thought it was hysterical that my grandparents think I’m dating an Amish guy……
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