To Grandma's House We Go

So, the kids have another visit with their grandmother and sister coming up this weekend. Their grandmother asked if it could be a sleep-over again. Last month they went for just a day visit and things went well. When I saw her, Grandma acted like nothing happened, like we were same-old, same-old. I was awkward and quiet, all business and little chit-chat with her. I was deeply hurt by how they handled things and, barring a real honest conversation, I will be keeping my walls up and solidly in place. I wish I could be one of those free and open people, but that just isn’t me. Especially when I feel like I can’t trust someone.

 

I had been contemplating the sleep-over thing versus just a day visit and I needed to respond to Grandma’s request, as I promised I would. Begrudgingly, I would be ok with a sleep-over but I feel the need to throw in some stipulations, like having the kids to bed at a decent hour (not up all night) and making sure Love Bug is restricted liquids after 8 pm because he doesn’t sleep with a diaper anymore but does occasionally have an accident (like he did in my bed, for the first time, one night last week). It’s hard to tell through text, but I sensed Grandma reluctantly accepted the guidelines I asked her to follow. She might say yes to my face and do the exact opposite. My mistrust of her has my worry about the lack of structure in their home on high alert. Maybe I’m too up-tight, but sometimes their house feels like the Wild West to me and my kids go crazy. Then they come home and I have to reign them back in again. And no, it’s not like other kids who go to see their grandparents and get spoiled, it’s lack of adult supervision (at least direct supervision) that I am talking about, not too many sweets and all granny’s attention. In fact, many times their grandmother isn’t even around when I’m there to pick up the kids. Different strokes for different folks, but if my grandkid was visiting, I’d be sure to be spending time with them. I’m being judgmental, I know. I have to get over myself, I know. But, it’s hard when I feel like that’s exactly what was done to me, only worse because I never threatened to take Mini Momma from them.

 

Adding to my worries is Chica Marie’s fun little digs at me. When she is angry or when I don’t let her do something she likes, she will tell me she wants to live with her grandmother and not me. Sure, kids say they want to live with Grandma all the time. But, she tosses in the adoption thing and, while I don’t let her see me react, it does get to me. Sometimes I feel guilty for having the kids, for them not being with their grandmother. But, she had every opportunity to take them before now, I’m sure it was suggested to her when Love Bug was born. So I worry about what Mini Momma will say to Chica Marie, given how badly things went in October when she said Grandma was adopting them both. I think I have very valid reasons for hesitating. Last week I had a nightmare that the county took the children from the daycare and placed them with their grandmother. When I raised hell about it, they brought Love Bug back because he wouldn’t stop crying for mommy.

 

Yesterday morning I got an email from the county case worker, in response to what I had said last week. She wants to hold off to finalize their adoption at the same time. There are two ways to look at this. One, it’s going to hold things up for Love Bug and so the fear of both of them being removed will stay alive and well in my heart. The second is, they are still contemplating allowing me to adopt Chica Marie. Given the shake-up, I’d say that is good news. I want to ask her what they want to see about Chica Marie before they will proceed with her adoption. Did the GAL intern coming to our house help us? Did it clarify things? What is the new GAL’s stance on the whole ball of wax? I feel bad for Love Bug because his adoption could have been finalized, signed sealed and delivered. I wish the whole damn mess never happened. I will be so glad when it’s all over, truly I will!