Apparently, where I work no pregnant belly equals no
celebration. No card. No balloon. Just a nice verbal, “Congrats” from a few
people and back to business as usual. Do you know what this means to a mom like
me? How under-valued it makes me feel? How dismissive of my family and my
children who were not formed inside of me? By not acknowledging my family, by
not celebrating the adoption of my children, my fellow co-workers have
basically just told me adoption is not supported in our workplace. I’m not
going to lie, it hurts. I really held out hope there would be some form of
fanfare, but I don’t even get a fan. Just, nothing. Crickets.
Our daycare kindly gifted us two balloons and a card all the
staff signed, which made me teary-eyed. The Family Based therapists gifted us a
very generous gift card to a local restaurant/arcade, which we used the day of
the adoption. Their kindness was very validating and welcomed. These weren’t
extravagant gestures, but they were very appreciated because it acknowledged
and celebrated our non-traditional family. I’m the kind of person who tries to
give others the benefit of the doubt, I try to give reason and explain why
someone might do something other than them just being a shitty person. So, I
tell myself that my co-workers aren’t heartless anti-adoption folks, they just
don’t have a built-in tradition to celebrate adoption, like they have for women
birthing babies. I could adopt my children and never have anyone know I’ve done
it. I don’t have the evidence of a protruding belly and months away from work
to out me. But, really I waited to post this for over two weeks because I honestly
thought they might do something, a card or an email or a balloon or an
announcement in a staff meeting – something! I understand there are more
unknowns in adoption, given our adoption almost didn’t happen with a lot of
last minute craziness, but even after the fact – bupkis. Sadly, my official
entrance into motherhood for the two little ones was not revered as the three
women who were showered with food and gifts, their swollen belly’s admired,
their fertility flaunted for all to see. Is it any wonder I hate baby showers?
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
Perhaps the colleagues just don’t get it, because you already have your kids. It sucks!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad! Congrats on your growing family.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me very annoyed on your behalf, especially considering what you've been through to get there.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've always hated the idea of baby showers. I'm so glad they haven't (so far) been much of a thing in NZ.