I know we are staying home to "flatten the curve" and slow the spread of the virus. I know we are practicing social distancing and wearing masks for the more vulnerable, those susceptible to not only becoming sick but to having a harder time fighting off the virus. I know these things. But, the mental health toll the quarantine is having on me and my family has become a greater worry for me. I know I have gone through a lot of barrel rolls emotionally since being sent home from work on March 17th. I know my children have experienced the same tumultuous roller coaster emotionally. They were sent home from school with the promise of returning in a few weeks. Without getting a chance to say good-bye to their friends or teachers, they were told school would not resume this school year. They had to adjust to learning online, seeing their teachers and friends on Zoom calls or via videos and pictures. We continued therapy sessions, but this too was via a Zoom call and not in person. Their world narrowed to no physical contact with friends or family outside of our home. And then the playgrounds were closed. The kids had to get used to mom working from home and hushing them during work calls. They quickly bored with playing in their own backyard and walks were exciting but also got boring when we kept going to the same place (because I was not sure what was open and what the mask requirements were of other places). The few times we have gone out as a family, the kids had to wear masks, which caused sensory issues and heightened their anxiety. For my Love Bug, the anxiety has caused him to fear weather events and separation from me. For Chica Marie, her focus has been on adoption and missing her family of origin. The rate of tantrums, sibling fights, crying or yelling spells has increased in duration and intensity. This past weekend Chica Marie tried running away from home. We are cracking, we are breaking. And I have gotten to the point where I feel the damage done mentally to my family might outweigh the good we did staying home.
My state is working through three levels of quarantine. Each county is broken down into a red (stay home, most restrictive), yellow (cautiously opening some businesses) and green (least restrictive yet still not back to pre-quarantine society) category. My county is currently in red but moving to yellow on June 4th. Other counties are already in green as of last week, with more joining green the end of this week. I can hardly keep track of what is open, what we are "allowed" to do and if or when it will be happening. I am not returning to the office while we are under yellow status. I am not sure how low our numbers (of new COVID cases) need to go to get us into green or how long that might take. My supervisor is saying he doesn't think we will be back in the office until July. Our daycare is opening next week, our local pool is not opening at all this year. Primero has no idea when he will be able to return to work. I need to create a re-entry strategy for Love Bug because going back to daycare and being away from me will be hard for him. I am hoping to have enough notice from work to do that.
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