Keep Hope Alive

     We had another appointment with the Infertility Doctor this evening. It was our review appointment. Flaco gets a passing grade, although his cholesterol is a little high (too many chicharrones, perhaps?) and his testosterone might be peaking (meaning, he might need some medication for this in the future, but he is ok now). Me? Well, as we know, I do not ovulate regularly and I have PCOS. The horrific 2 hour glucose test revealed that I am slightly insulin resistant and they have started me on metafomin. And I need to do more cardio (or do cardio, since I am not big on the exercising) and watch what I eat. At least he said losing weight was not as important to getting cardio and eating healthier; this made me feel a little better. Anyway, he told us we basically have two options: option number one is taking an injectable to spur follicle growth and hopefully make a baby, option number two is IVF. There are pluses and minuses to both options. There are also differences in cost. One IVF treatment basically costs what we pay for a year of our mortgage.
     So, here's the way I see this: it's the bottom of the ninth, tie game and bases are loaded, two outs. I'm up to bat and already have a full count. This is it! I have one more pitch to hit it out of the park, grand slam or I lose it all. The nurse and the doctor did not leave me with much hope that I could be pregnant already. They were really pushing the IVF as the closet option to a sure thing (the nurse even estimated we would have a 70% chance of getting pregnant on the first cycle) versus the injections because of the likelihood of having a multiple pregnancy. Of course the IVF is waaaay more expensive. Not to say that we can go jumping on the injectable wagon because it's still rather steep for us. I am feeling very bummed, down right craptastic. I feel like we are simply not wealthy enough to have a baby. I feel like I have already given up on this month and I hate that feeling! This was my biggest fear with going to the Infertility Doctor; that we would get to the point where there are more treatment options but we cannot pursue them because of financial constraints. And the nurse did give us a pamplet about some loan company that can help us fund the treatments (like getting a second mortgage?), but we are already pretty heavily in-debt from when Flaco moved here (the cost of immigrating here is insane - also I was working two jobs but he was so homesick, I needed to quit one, so less money on top of it. We basically charged all the gas and groceries bills to a credit card. Yeah. . . .). So, I am rather disinclined to go further into debt just to try to get pregnant, let alone when we have a brand new hungry mouth to feed. So, where do we go from here?
     I have to wait until next week, to go back to the office for a pregnancy test. And, depending on the results we will need to make a major decision. Flaco wants to try the cheapest option (but remember, he thinks having a litter of children sounds like a win-win). I just want a baby. I wish this wasn't our path to follow. Another little part of me died today. One tiny piece of my heart iirreparablyly broken. I can't keep the tears from flowing. I just want to be a mommy. Why must it be this hard? How much more must we endure?