When I have a free minute (haha!) I like to read blogs,
especially infertility and adoption blogs. It helps to have mental
conversations I don’t think I would be able to have in person. And, I like
reading others thoughts on the complexity of infertility and adoption. But,
blogging is a funny creature. I get insight into the inner thoughts and turmoil
of people (mostly women) I have never met and who I generally know only
one-sidedly. Still, I reread some blogs for updates, wondering how things will
turn out; will this time work? Will she get pregnant using this new
technique/protocol? What happened to her foster babies? Are they still being
sent home? Have the issues she’s mentioned to her case worker been addressed?
Lately, I’ve been better about commenting, but for a long time I would just
lurk and keep tabs on how their life story was progressing. I haven’t really
interacted with other bloggers, barring a few comment conversations, which
makes me sad. I started blogging to find other women and couples dealing with
this monstrous issue. The one thing that makes me the saddest is when a blogger
stops writing because they have become a parent. On one hand, I can understand
the new demands on their time coupled with wanting to distance themselves from
the pockmarked journey to parenthood. Yet, on the other, it seems like they are
invalidating their previous work by not putting parenting on the same pedestal
as becoming parents. Some have noted to feeling their blog has lost its
purpose, since it was written to document the journey through infertility. I
suppose, for some people, blogging has a season and once their goal is achieved
the pull to annotate their life is no longer there. Yet, it makes me sad
because parenting after infertility is a unique voice. Those who stick around
know there is always more to tell. And I look forward to following along, you
know, in all my “free” time. #MicroblogMonday
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
I also feel sad when bloggers stop blogging after they started parenting. When I see an update, however sporadic, I always feel comforted that they are doing well or they don't shy away from sharing their struggles. It's when blogs abruptly stopped having any updates, I feel like I am left hanging. I agree with you that parenting after infertility is a unique voice.
ReplyDeleteI think it is inate to blogging. Various things happen to make one stop blogging. I suspect I'll always come back to it, but it has changed over the 10 (!) years I've blogged. And I've closed blogs & opened new ones, which can make it hard to find me.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I miss the missing voices a lot & wonder what happened to them.
This is such an interesting observation... I liked how you said "the journey through infertility" -- because in my mind, through implies "Including the after part." I always appreciate when people continue their stories into parenting, but I also understand that you have far less available time once that baby or child arrives. It can feel like an unfinished story though, like you're waiting to see what comes next and then it's months or years before another update if one comes at all. I want to blog after parenthood, should I be lucky enough to get there. I do think it's a voice that needs to be out there, especially the not-Facebook-post stuff, the down and dirty and how infertility effects your parenting and view of the parenting sphere. That interests me, a lot. Thought-provoking post!
ReplyDeleteI notice that for some, blogging is a process. They blog when there's a story arc and they blog when there isn't.
ReplyDeleteFor others, blogging is a project. When the project is over (losing weight, beating cancer, building a family), sometimes the blog is over.
I'm with you that I think parenting after IF is an interesting voice. And I wish there were more. I treasure those who keep writing.
This is so true: "Parenting after infertility is a unique voice. Those who stick around know there is always more to tell." I also like it when people keep writing because then infertility is just their day now and something else is their day later; it's all a continuation of a life.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way too. I get so invested in their lives, in their hearts and just want to stay with them on their life journey.
ReplyDeleteI didn't blog much the first year after my son was born but I have returned to it and in some ways, I have more to say 7 years in to parenting & infertility has cropped up as a theme this year.
ReplyDeleteFor me, blogging was almost a type of therapy while I was going through infertility. It really helped me to get my thoughts out on the page, and for others going through similar struggles to respond.
ReplyDeleteNow, as a mother, not only am I far more busy than I was pre-children, but I also don't have that same frequent need to write out my feelings. I would say that those are the main reasons why I stopped blogging several months ago.
But like you, I always enjoy seeing an old blog friend's post pop up in my feed reader and often wonder how those who never write anymore are doing.
I always felt that if I stopped blogging after my child was here, it would be an incomplete story/picture. But I'm different from some bloggers in that I always hoped it would transition into a blog about parenting after infertility. When I chose the name I avoided anything that directly mentioned infertility. I want to be able to circle back to and include my past (and present) experiences with infertility and subfertility without being defined by them. I might also be different because I'm quite at ease not belonging strictly to one group or another. Complete inclusion and belonging actually feels creepy to me: I like the tension of being both insider/outsider, the reminder that I'm an individual, and others are individuals and that the community must serve the individual, not the other way around.
ReplyDelete