My Little Schoolhouse

I think I want to cry. I know I wanted to cry during the meeting, but I kept it together and no one suspected. My head hurts from the effort. And, school hasn’t even officially started yet. Dear Lord, give me strength!

 

So, last night Chica Marie and I went to the school open house, to meet her kindergarten teacher and get the lay of the land. It didn’t go well. Chica Marie immediately reverted to her baby stage, clinging to me, refusing to talk to anyone, sticking her fingers in her mouth and not being terribly cooperative. We easily found her classroom and waited for another family to finish to talk to her teacher. The teacher was nice and friendly. Chica Marie wouldn’t speak, not a word. She wouldn’t even sit in the chair offered to her. She did start touching things, like a building toy, which the teacher let her take out to play with. She wrote her name for the teacher, but still wouldn’t talk to her. I tried to convey some information to the teacher about Chica Marie’s behaviors, but was interrupted by another family. As we were trying to leave, Chica Marie jumped up on a small raised platform in the front of the room and began touching things. We left before she got really out of hand. The teacher told us where to find a turtle pond, which we visited after popping in to see the cafeteria and gymnasium. We then walked to the library where Chica Marie insisted I read her a book, so I did, thinking it would give her a good experience. On our way back to the front of the building, we stopped in with the nurse to give her some paperwork. While I tried to talk to the nurse, Chica Marie was playing with some cut out letters and handprints laying on a table. I asked her to stop twice before telling her to sit down on one of the chairs by the door. She crossed her arms and refused, stating she didn’t want to be there. So much for a good experience.

 

Now, I have had a previous foster child in this school before, she was already used to going to school, since she was in 5^th grade. Plus, she wasn’t with me for long, so the problems were only beginning to start when she moved on to a different foster home. So, this is my first time sending a child to school for the first time. I know most parents look at this as rite of passage, something that is equal parts exciting and sentimental. Sadly, because of so many things out of my control and Chica Marie’s control, she won’t be starting regular school like her peers.  

 

The mobile therapist set up a meeting with the school guidance counselor and principal to discuss Chica Marie and the concerns about her starting school. She text me earlier this week to notify me of the date and time, stating I didn’t have to attend that she would be able to handle it on her own. Well, it turns out it was a good thing  I went because the meeting did not have the outcome I expected. I guess I figured the meeting would be simple, just me and the mobile therapist explaining the behaviors exhibited in daycare and at home and the school relaying this information to their staff with promises to work on or with her behaviors. That is not how it went. We began discussing things and once it was understood that Chica Marie was involved with Early Intervention and the STEPS program, they found information and an evaluation on her that totally changed the  course of her schooling. The school basically demanded we reinstate TSS, which ended simply because she was leaving daycare and starting school. Insurance red tape dictates that a new approval is needed for TSS in school. The school felt that Chica Marie would not be able to participate in a regular kindergarten class with one teacher and 25 students. She was recommended to a special emotional/behavioral classroom in an entirely different school. This classroom would be smaller in the number of students and have more adult helpers in the classroom. She will temporarily attend the current school until transportation can be worked out for her to attend the different school on the other side of town. It makes it easier for her daycare, since they won’t have to provide transportation as they had agreed.

 

As acronyms and people’s names and titles were swirling around me during the meeting I began feeling overwhelmed. When one of the special ed teachers pointed out reports regarding a particular, albeit infrequent, habit of Chica Marie and how that might make it unsafe for her to be left alone with other children, I felt like calling the whole thing to a halt. She was a little girl, one who was very hurt at a very young age. While she needs to learn to be responsible for her behaviors, a lot of what she does is not really her fault, but a reaction from what had been done to her. I felt like all bets were off once the school caught wind of this one thing and suddenly this little innocent 5 year old is a hardened criminal who cannot be trusted to be around other kindergarten kids. I felt like Chica Marie was being victimized all over again, simply because she had been the victim in the first place. I felt myself getting emotional and had to push those feelings away so I could remain calm in the meeting. It’s one thing for me to say those things about Chica Marie, having lived with her these past two years, it’s something else entirely to hear complete strangers who haven’t even met her, say these things. It was a disheartening meeting to say the least.

 

My hope for Chica Marie is that she surprises us all; that she so loves school and learning that she has infrequent behavioral issues because she is too busy soaking up knowledge. I hope she will be able to move into the regular kindergarten classroom with TSS support and be challenged academically, not left to languish in an emotional support classroom twiddling her thumbs. And I’m hopeful that this bumpy beginning will smooth out and I won’t dread the school year for the next 12 years as she moves from grade to grade. For now, I just need a back massage and some chocolate to rejuvenate myself for our next meeting on Thursday.