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Monday, August 29, 2016
Woman's Equality Day
I would say that infertility is still very much a part of my
life. I think it always will be in a way; it seems to color my thinking
differently now than before infertility was personal. Yet, sometimes it sneak
attacks me in unexpected ways. Friday, in the midst of dealing with Chica
Marie’s school and trying to determine what sort of help would be needed, the
Principal of the school admitted to being in a 4 year battle with infertility.
Wham-o! The comment was made after a brief discussion on why having bio mom
attend the meeting on Thursday might not be such a good idea given her
propensity to derail and delay. It was said out of a frustration I know all too
well – these fertile people popping out kids they aren’t able to take care of,
while infertiles languish in hellish limbo barely hoping to believe the next
try will result in a child to love. This would have been an appropriate time to
admit to personally understanding how she feels, to finding camaraderie in the
misery of infertility. Instead, I chose to keep my mouth shut, to not out
myself as a fellow infertile and to continue on with the meeting just as if I
hadn’t found someone in the very trenches that shredded me to the core. I could
say I was too focused on everything that was happening during the meeting, but
if she had the courage to announce to a room full of people, including her
staff, why didn’t I at least admit to knowing personally how she felt? I think
it had to do with her precursor sentence, “This might be too much TMI.” Just as
so many people do, she set infertility into the private, untouchable realm;
made it the taboo topic we all know exists and is prevalent, but don’t talk
about on a personal level. It seemed sort of ironic that on Woman’s
Equality Day, mentioning infertility is still TMI. #MicroblogMonday
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So take her aside and talk to her. I think she'd really appreciate it. Whether it's being gay or infertility, I don't think one person's self-outing means everyone in attendance should feel compelled to open their mouths. Because we're older and have multiples, a lot of people ask me if I had them naturally which I think is nosy & intrusive but occasionally someone explains it's because they or their daughter, sister etc. is going thru infertility.
ReplyDeleteLori suggested exactly what I was going to suggest. Besides, it never hurts to connect with the Principal of the school your kids might be at!
ReplyDeleteI think you share it when you want to share it, not out of obligation, but because you want the connection.
ReplyDeleteTMI depends on the one sharing it I guess. A listener is anyways just listening.
ReplyDeleteWow, I am impressed that she shared that at the principals' meeting. Just because she shared doesn't mean you have to at that moment, and I can understand that throwing you for a loop. It's such a triggery thing, and can put you back in the mindset of when that was all fresh and raw. If you want to connect with her over this, you now have the window open. And if you want to keep that private for yourself, that's perfectly fine too. I find it so interesting that people talk about their pregnancies all the time without a "TMI" disclaimer, but infertility somehow needs an extra warning because it makes people uncomfortable. Argh.
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