So, the good news is that the kids and I are settling into a routine together and getting used to one another on a daily basis. The bad news is twofold; one, the honeymoon is over, meaning that the gloves are off and they (especially the older child) feel free to show their true colors and act out and two, what was supposed to be 6-8 weeks seems to be dragging out.
Generally speaking, when a child is first placed in a home, either for their first time in foster care or when they are moved (as in the case of these two munchkins) they are usually on their best (or better) behavior. Attitudes and issues that might have been prevalent at a previous foster home seem non-existent when they are moved. At first. But, once the child settles in and gets the lay of the land, they begin testing the waters and acting out. The older child I have right now has always been a handful. Even when I had her on just the weekends she could be very defiant and not listen at all. When she first moved here I noticed pretty much the same level of behavioral issues. But, this week they have escalated beyond that into the stratosphere of trying every last ounce of my patience. She has even been rattling the babysitter, who is a seasoned foster mother. The baby is less of an issue but he has these crying jags in the car that nearly cause me to have heart palpitations just because I try to get him to stop. The entire backseat of my car is carpeted in a layer of kix cereal because letting him eat some (and inevitable spill most) is the only thing to keep him from screaming the entire 30 minutes to and from the babysitters. Other than that, he's a peach.
So, the second issue is one I just found out tonight. The social worker from CHOR came over for a brief visit and I asked her what she knew about their future. She said she had not really heard anything lately, but the only thing she has heard is that the county is not thrilled with their mother. Now, I have limited understanding of this whole case because the kids were just kind of plopped in my lap. My understanding is that whatever cause there was to remove the children is being rectified and they should very soon be able to return to their mother. And this was really the reason that I agreed to take the children, because I was told it would only be for a short while and then I could go back to waiting to be matched with a legal risk child. But, now it looks like what was going to be 6-8 weeks might stretch beyond that. Sure, these things are out of the control of the CHOR case workers because it is in the hands of the county, but it still grates a bit on my nerves because I have different goals now. But, it would be entirely too selfish to ask to have the children moved just because I want to make room for "my" child to be placed with me. So, I have to readjust my thinking on this. I had marked in my calendar when the kids would be with me for 6 weeks and we are half way there. Now, I guess I might be looking at 10 or 12 weeks - who knows, I am only projecting because I was not given any real idea. In fact, the time frame that I was given was not really set by a case worker, it was told to me by the previous foster family. And you know what they say about assumptions..... The case worker from the county is coming out to see us tomorrow morning and I will ask her the same question I asked the CHOR case worker tonight. She might have a better idea, since she is working more closely with the mother.
Now, the thought has occurred to me, "well, what if they don't go back?" And this is a slight pickle. Perhaps because I am becoming better at the whole detachment thing and because I knew up-front that these kiddos would very soon be going home, I have not gotten quite as attached. Sure, I care about them a whole lot and we have lots of hugs and kisses all around. BUT, to save my poor broken heart (I still cry about the girls from November) I think I am putting up a little inner wall and not letting them get all the way inside. Good or bad, it's the truth. So what I am saying is that I cannot see them as children that might potentially stay with me simply because I have never let myself even fathom it. They are going home, period. And I don't know how hard it would be to transition myself into a different frame of mind altogether. At this point, I think I am still stuck on the fact that I HAD an infant and what I really want is an infant. These two are not infants. But, this is all conjecture at this point. It doesn't even make sense to think about it right now.
You know, it's funny because after dealing with some of the mom's antics last weekend when the kiddos went for a sleep-over, I was telling another foster mom friend that I was kind of just ready for these kids to be moved home rather than deal with any more issues. And, now it seems I'm in it for the long haul despite my reluctance to get into it at all! Funny how these things work out, right? And, you might be asking, just why did you take these kids if you know your goal is really to adopt? It's a good and very valid question. And it was something that I struggled with when it was first presented to me. Here's the story. I had been asked if I would consider taking them and given a weekend with them to see how things go. The Monday I was supposed to give my decision I was called with a potential legal risk case for two children who were older (like in preschool). I was supposed to meet them at the CHOR Christmas party. Then, before the CHOR Christmas party I got another call for 3 little girls. This placement fell through, the kids never showed up at the Christmas party and I was given a call later to take the two I have now for just a weekend. During the respite call the case worker mentioned still looking for a place for these two kids. I said I would take them for the weekend and we ended the call. But, almost immediately after I hung up the phone, I felt bad for the kids. They are cute kids (of course I think all kids are cute) and I liked having them for the weekends. We got along ok and they had gotten used to me. I just felt a big tug to take them in, despite my misgivings. "Why be selfish?" I thought. It was only for a short time, right? And so I called back and said I would take them. And here we are today. I guess it all sounds a little silly. I don't really regret the decision, at least I have kids in the house again. I just have that longing for "my" child to come home and I worry that I might miss "my" child because I have these two living with me now. I must believe that God has a plan with all of this and that He will be sure "my" child reaches me in one way or another. It just looks like that might be a few more weeks away than I originally had thought.......
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