Pay It Forward

I’ve written before about my hoarding tendencies. I spent most of last year purging the house, yet the end results don’t really feel that different other than there are a few shoes I donated that I am now missing. But, I still have a lot of baby things that we are not using but storing and taking up space that could be used for other things or just to give us more breathing space in our cramped quarters. Esperanza has a friend who is 6 months pregnant and has nothing, not a thing, for the baby. So, I’ve entered an internal war with myself to part with the things we are not using. I have two pack-n-plays because I bought one and someone gave me one. I don’t need one, let alone two. I have bottles (the nipples should be replaced), clothing, a high chair, bouncy chair, swing, and baby bath all collecting dust in my basement. Why not give it away to someone who could really use it? Esperanza’s friend is not working and her mother only gets SSI. The baby’s father is not helping. It’s not a good situation and the things I’m hanging onto for purely selfish and emotional reasons could make a difference to this young mother. So, I’m trying to make peace with giving up the things I’ve been holding onto. It felt like I waited a long time to use the items I slowly collected and now they are right back into storage.

 

I think my problem is irrational thinking. I have it in my head I’m still a foster parent and so I need things at the ready, but in reality I am not a waiting foster parent. I haven’t spoken to anyone at CHOR about after adoption because I’m sort of fearful, if I’m totally honest. Foster care has been my thing, the thing I’ve been focusing on since my divorce, the thing I’ve found to be both incredibly difficult and incredibly rewarding. We’ve been doing doggie foster care since May, but it’s not the same, not at all. So, I suppose it’s time to face this thing and start preparing for the next chapter of my life. I don’t really want to stop fostering, but for the moment I think I will have to based on space requirements. At some point in the future I think I might start again, but there’s no reason to keep so many baby items for that prospective future time. I just need to do this quickly before I lose my resolve.