Today my oldest son is graduating from high school. It is a
momentous occasion, one that was very uncertain for almost all of this school
year. We have been through a lot to get to this point and now it is time to
celebrate. Except… Last night I had to call a crisis intervention hotline
because Chica Marie said she wanted to die. She even told Primero she was going
to hurt herself with scissors she had in her backpack. It was a long night.
Even after talking to the crisis counselor, she refused to go to sleep. I know
she is struggling with leaving the teacher she had for the last two years. I know
she doesn’t yet have the coping skills to deal with those big feelings. It
doesn’t make it any easier. I didn’t really want to over-react, I feel like
most of it was for attention, but I wanted her to know I take it seriously when
she says the things she said. Her mobile therapist is going to follow up with
her today at school.
Additionally, it is hard to concentrate on celebrating
Primero because of my worry for Love Bug. He is also graduating tonight but I
will not be there. His daycare teacher has graciously agreed to take him with
her and then take him to her home until I can pick him up. I know she knows him
(she isn’t his main teacher, but she has been at the center longer than my kids
have been going there, so she knows us) and he knows her, but I worry about how
he will act without me there. It is a worry I have all the time, but
specifically tonight because the daycare teacher is being so kind to help us
out, I don’t want Love Bug to give her a hard time. I am hoping the excitement
will buoy his spirits and not cause him to over-load. He was pretty riled up
this morning and made us late because he was refusing to go get his shoes on
and leave the house.
Other periphery issues include my mom having cancer again.
The ovarian cancer metastasized and she will be starting another round of chemo
next week. There are some concerns about both sides of Primero’s family
(biological and adoptive) meeting for the first time. His mother is going to be
there as well as his oldest brother, Mr. J, his brother’s girlfriend, aunts and
uncle, and his ex-girlfriend and her child. My parents, sister and
brother-in-law will be there as well. We had talked about going to dinner, but I
don’t know what Primero has decided. I know he worries about there being
awkwardness and tension. I hope everyone can just be adults, but one just never
knows. It does seem to be a powder keg.
I want this to be a celebratory experience for my Primero.
He has worked hard and I want him to know how proud I am of him and how much
his hard work has paid off. I have to, even if it is momentarily, put
everything else aside so this day is special for him.
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