Big Meeting....

I am meeting with the county tomorrow morning. Chantel emailed me this afternoon to let me know. I am nervous. After the good news last week – that the county would consider me for adopting the baby – I let myself sink into the frame of mind that this will happen. I let myself relax and enjoy being the baby’s mommy. But, now that the “big” meeting is looming over my head, I am nervous about what I will say and how I will handle this meeting. I have been reviewing in my mind some of the tough questions they might ask – like what the hell happened to my marriage. I have been trying to build a wall around my heart, so that I don’t cry or appear weak to them. I have been working out my finances, to tell them how I think I can afford the baby (eh, not sure how that will play out yet, since I am still waiting for the mortgage specialist from the bank to contact me and I have not yet taken Flaco off of my medical or car insurance). I know my mom told Consuelo I might not be moving in with them because I might not be able to sell the house or rent it out as I initially had planned. I did apply for the subsidy for daycare through BCIU, but that could take months until the baby is accepted – they have quite a lengthy waiting list, or so I have heard. I mean, the bottom line is I will be just barely getting by with my salary and the money CHOR sends me for taking care of the baby. Once I adopt the baby and that money disappears, I might be in seriously deep waters. I know I will be getting a raise in July. And I will have the car paid off in August. But, if I can lower the monthly house payments that might make all the difference. I still have to call the credit card companies and see what they can do to help me out – like lower the monthly payments or something. Perhaps I will attempt to do that tonight. The problem is, once the baby goes to sleep I am so exhausted or trying to get so much done (like scrubbing all the floors, as I did Tuesday night) that I don’t have as much free time as it would take to make all those calls. But, I will make it a priority.