Drama Queen

This is not how I would have ideally spent my Valentine's Day. Last night I took the baby and spent the night with my parents. I had already planned to have off today because Flaco and I were supposed to be going to Hershey to be a part of an infertility study involving PCOS. We didn't go. I called and left a message for the coordinator stating we had the stomach flu. A little white lie, I know, but I thought it would be better than telling her I wasn't sure if I would still have a partner to be a part of the test. As it turns out, I don't.

I am still reeling from all of this and I am so tired emotionally and physically, but simply put - Flaco decided ending things now is what is best for both of us. I decided I am sick of living like this and I don't really want to be married to someone who can't accept a beautiful baby boy just because his skin is more brown than ours. So, it's over.

This is never anything I wanted. I NEVER wanted to be divorced and single again at 30. I never wanted to be a single mom or have to move back in with my parents. But, it seems all of these things are happening. Flaco will get an apartment with a friend. I am looking into trying to rent out the house or sell it - I can't afford all the bills and mortgage on my salary alone. I will move in with my parents at some point. I wish things could have gone differently. I don't think I have even processed all of this yet. But . . . . .

I called and spoke with Chantel, the baby's social worker. I told her what was happening and asked her if I could still adopt the baby, with the support of my parents (and by support, I mean a home, financial support, moral, and child rearing support - so the whole enchilada). She nearly cried! She said she was so sad after speaking with Flaco yesterday and knowing that the baby will get moved again, that she asked the county worker if SHE could adopt the baby (she has known him since he was first in the system at 6 months old). She said, this is amazing and she is so excited. She will call Jessica, the county worker, first thing in the morning to ask her how this will happen, what my parents will need to do, etc for the baby to stay with me.

Last year for Valentine's Day Flaco surprised me after work with a dozen roses and then we went out to dinner together. Today, he decided that he was not interested in marriage counseling and that it's best for both of us to call it quits. I am surprisingly calm about this. I guess on some level, I am relieved. I don't have to keep beating a dead horse.

I will write more tomorrow, after I meet with Chantel, to see what all I will have to do to be the baby's mommy forever. . . . . .