Ups and Downs

Things have been all over the place lately. Flaco and I are still adjusting to having our lives turned upside down and the baby is still getting used to having a steady schedule, a new baby-sitter, and eating healthy foods. Thursday morning the baby's early intervention therapists came to our house. We had his speech/attention therapist, Maria, his occupational therapist Danielle and her shadowing student, Mary Grace, and finally Christy the SAM coordinator (SAM is Service Access Management). I think it was overwhelming for the baby. He had a very bad day yesterday and last night especially. We set up appointments from now through the end of the month. Thankfully, the OT, Danielle, can go to the baby's baby-sitter's place and Maria will come to our house when Flaco is caring for the baby on Monday mornings.

This morning we met the baby's social worker, Chantel. She came with Jessica from the county, whom we met last week. They had to check out the house and make sure things are safe for the baby and to see us interacting with him. Chantel will be coming back every week for the next three weeks and then every month thereafter. She is very nice and the baby likes her. I think she will be easy to work with and she is bilingual, which is good.

So, Flaco is having a hard time adjusting to the baby being here. He was thinking about telling Consuelo, our family case worker, that we didn't want to keep the baby (which, really it's just Flaco). But, this morning when Chantel asked him how things were going with the baby, Flaco just said that things were going well and that he needs more time. I fully expected him to drop the bomb, but he did not. Consuelo is coming to see us Monday afternoon because I told her about Flaco having doubts and she decided to come talk to him. I think Flaco might be more willing to open up to Conseulo for two reasons. One, Jessica was here this morning and I know Flaco doesn't like to talk a lot in front of someone who doesn't understand Spanish. Two, he has met Conseulo many times and has gotten to know her, so he might be more willing to open up to her and talk about his issues. But, I also think Flaco is confused. In his mind he had a certain idea of the child we would adopt and the baby just didn't fit that description. But, he also cares for this child. I can tell by his actions, he plays with the baby and cuddles with him - he is even teaching him how to make farting noises, which I love (can you hear the sarcasim?). So, I don't know what will happen. I don't know what Flaco will tell Conseulo on Monday or what decision he will make regarding the baby. I keep praying he will fall in love with the baby and decide we should adopt him.

But, enough about the confusing things that have no resolution right now. The baby is such a sweet child! He is so loveable and funny. We are doing well with the cloth diapers after the first mishap. He wears them when he is home because I have not yet broached the subject with his baby-sitter. I need to get a wet bag for the dirty diapers - one for me, one for her - and then I will bring it up. Maybe . . . . I like the baby-sitter, Taty. She was in our foster/adoption classes last fall. My friend, Sara, takes her little girl to Taty's place. She is organized and her house is close to my work. But . . . . The first day I dropped off the baby she was asking me about how my husband feels about the baby because she knows people from "there" (she thought my husband was from Mexico) don't usually like los morenos. She told me we should give our 30 days (meaning, we would tell CHOR we want them to move the baby and they generally ask for 30 days to do so) and get a tiny baby - one like us. Today she told me the baby should go with "his" people and with a family who has more experience raising children because he is going to be a lot of work. This all makes me feel so terrible! like I am not a good enough mom for the baby. And like because his skin and my skin are not the same color, we should not be mother and son. But, I love him and I know he is starting to get attached to me as well. Her comments are making things harder for me in dealing with Flaco's issues.

Today, Chantel let the cat out of the bag, stating that Conseulo will no longer be our family case worker, that we have been transferred to another social worker named Julie. We are upset by this for various reasons. One, we don't know Julie and we have gotten used to Consuelo. But, also because Julie does not speak Spanish. I feel like this is detrimental for my husband because he cannot talk to her directly, but through me. And if there is important information for him to know, he will have to hear it second-hand from me. It just isn't fair to him or me and I don't think it makes for a good relationship between us and CHOR. Chantel and Jessica were also talking about things in front of us, like they were alone, which bothered me. They mentioned to one another that the baby's previous foster family had gotten a lawyer who had been in touch with both of them. I can only assume they are trying to legally contest the baby's removal from their home. But, it kind of had me freaked out because they gave no parameters to this conversation, no indication if this family has any chance of getting the baby back if they use legal action, nothing. Jessica did mention that perhaps in the future they could set up visitations for the baby and the foster family. I don't understand why, if they are not going to get him back. It just seems cruel for them to see him, knowing he will be someone else's son. I do feel bad for the other foster family and I am sure they loved the baby. It was heartbreaking to watch them lose the baby. And the foster mom, told me she had 4 miscarriages and prayed for God to give her a baby and He gave her the baby. I felt like her story was my story (fortunately, I have never had a miscarriage, but I understand the pain of not being able to have a child of your own).

So, things are moving along, I suppose. I am just trying to love the baby for as long as he is here - I hope it is forever, but I suppose only time will tell . . . .