First of all, I want to thank you all immensely for being willing to stand by me in this very difficult time in my life. I am so blessed to have such true friends and I hope you all know that you can count on me to help you out in your hour of need.
Today I spoke with a woman who has been dealing with the Berks County Children and Youth Services folks regarding her great-granddaughter. She states that she sent a letter to the executive director, the director of placement and the supervisor for the social worker overseeing her case and within two hours the director was calling to make an appointment with her. This gives me hope that at least I will have an opportunity to talk to someone above Jessica.
What I am proposing to do it just shower these people with emails of support for me and the baby to stay together, urging the county to reconsider their decision, and questioning where the checks and balances are in this government entity – after all, they are only human and humans make mistakes, so who checks on these decisions to ensure the fewest possible mistakes are made? I look at it this way – I never had the chance to meet with Jessica’s supervisor to plead my case and I never met with the lawyer – if I had been accused of a crime I would have more rights, since I would be judged by a jury of my peers…. At this point, I have nothing to lose but I refuse to be a doormat and lie down and just take it. If nothing else, they will see just how “weak” I am. And I will know that I have done everything possible to fight for “my” son.
So, here are some of the facts to include (as you see fit) in an email to either (or both) the executive director, George Kovarie (gkovarie@countyofberks.com) or the director of placement Barbara Jakubek (bjakubek@countyofberks.com) - feel free to add in any other information you know about me and my character. Also, if anyone is a professional working in the fields of Social Work, early intervention, foster care, or children services, please add your professional insight to this situation.
1) The baby has been with me for a month (5 weeks tomorrow) and in that time his vocabulary has grown from a handful of words to well over 40 (his teacher would have the exact figure on that, if they chose to read her notes….) and recently, he has started putting words together (es mio, es tuyo, este es mio – examples). He has also said his name for the first time and can identify himself. His teacher today said she cannot understand their decisions and she doubts if they ever read the notes she makes. She encouraged me to continue what I am doing because I am doing a good job. I think that should count for something!
2) I am the same person with or without Flaco. In this day and age, a woman is not defined by her husband. They are basing their decision on an opinion (divorce is hard) and an assumption (divorce will be harder for me than I might think) after having met me just three times for a grand total of about 3 hours. They never considered getting the opinion of a marriage counselor or having a psychological evaluation done. They have no evidence that I can’t handle this – and in fact, they do not know me and they do not know the other difficult things I have done in my life, like joining the Peace Corps, navigating immigration on my own (well, with Flaco), and enduring a staph infected dog bite in a third world country. And guess what? I made it out not only ok, but stronger. This divorce will be hard but it will not destroy me, like they think it will.
3) The only person who has regularly witnessed my interaction with the baby is his social worker and she was in favor of me adopting him on my own. No one who made this life altering decision even bothered to try to see me and the baby interacting. I have never met Jessica’s supervisor. I have never met the lawyer who is the baby’s guardian and whom I believe only sees him during court dates. The county interviewed 15 families to find the “perfect” match for the baby. They brought me in the morning before they made the final decision (this was last Friday). In my opinion, they never were considering me, they just made me jump through some more hoops to make themselves feel better about this decision – to placate me. They were pissed that we didn’t tell them on day one we were headed for divorce. Well, guess what? I bet a lot of you were surprised as well – heck, I was surprised too! I’m sorry we couldn’t see the future on the day we met Jessica, but we weren’t hiding anything, things just spiraled out of control very quickly. It’s called life!
4) The baby never called his previous foster mom “mommy” yet a short two weeks with me, he decided on his own to call me “mommy” – I did not prompt him and I never called myself mommy, he came up with it all on his own.
5) The baby’s temper tantrums have really died down. Not to say he doesn’t still have them, but they are much less violent and infrequent than they were the first few weeks. He is learning that no means no and he is better at accepting “no.” Having structure in his life has helped greatly with this. He does very well at the babysitters place and hardly ever cries when I drop him off.
6) The baby is still having a hard time sleeping due to his previous move – something about the night scares him. I can only imagine this will be even worse if he is moved again.
7) The county never bothered to interview my parents, who have offered their unwavering support. My mom called and spoke with Jessica last Friday, to confirm their support for me and their love for the baby, but she was met with indifference and “mmm-hmmm” “thank you” nothing more.
8)
I have done nothing wrong! To remove a child from a loving household simply because you don’t like that my husband left and no one told you this would happen, should be a crime! I have not been accused of mistreating the baby, neglecting him, or failing to follow through on recommended instructions or actions with him. By all accounts, the baby has improved and thrived living with me. And this was with or without Flaco. In fact, even when Flaco was living at home, I did more work with the baby and spent more time caring for him. One could argue that not having Flaco around has made it easier on the baby, since there is no more tension between us and squabbling over how little Flaco did to help take care of him. I am open to answering questions, if you have any or want to discuss something with me. Again, I thank you for your willingness to step up and stand up with me against “Goliath.” My sling shot is ready! I won’t go down without a fight!
So, I might be crazy and this might all be for naught, but I will know that I have fought tooth and nail for "my" baby and against the all powerful rights of the social workers at BCCYS. I have nothing to lose and a sweet, loving, special child to gain.......
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