Holding Steady

Court was cancelled for tomorrow. I got the confirmation from one of the case workers. And the kids will have a visit with their mother Friday afternoon instead of Wednesday. I was only looking forward to going to court to find out a little more about what is going on. The baby has only been to court once right after he moved in with me, when he was just days old. The little girl went to court the Monday after she came to me and I didn’t go because I didn’t have enough notice to take time off of work. I had asked the other foster mother about what was happening, but due to her limited understanding of English, she couldn’t really tell me. She said something was mentioned about adoption and that they weren’t going to have court until January (this was in August). I don’t know what changed that they wanted to have court this month and I don’t know when they will reschedule the next court date. The kids mom thinks they are coming home soon, her lawyer got a new psych eval admitted and she thinks that’s the ticket. I have no idea, but it makes me nervous. I hold the baby and try to imagine him not being there and my heart stops beating. So, I squeeze him tighter and whisper sweet nothings into his wispy curls. I can’t think about him going home, the pain would be unimaginable…..

 

I still haven’t heard anything about Primero’s older brother. I haven’t heard if he is allowed to stay with us for Primero’s birthday and I’ve heard nothing more about potential plans to move him closer to his brother. It’s been total radio silence this week. And I don’t want to get pushy, I mean, I’m still shaking in my boots about doing something to disrupt Primero’s adoption. So, when Primero asked me if I heard from his case worker about his brother spending next weekend with us, I told him I hadn’t heard anything and I wasn’t willing to pursue the topic any further. He promised to call his case worker himself to get an answer and I said that would be fine. Usually his case worker is good about getting back to me, so I surmised she could be out of the office or perhaps “lost” the email I sent to her. We shall see if Primero gets anywhere with his phone call. And as far as the move goes, I’m assuming at this point the county was brought up to speed on the situation and, due to their inaction, they have chosen to heed the recommendation of CHOR and keep the kid where he is at right now. What the future holds is a total mystery. Based on Primero’s case, my assumption would be the county will move to have the brother placed in a home willing to do PLC (Permanent Legal Custody). And I told the brother I would be open to that, should his case progress to that point. I told him all I could do was express my willingness to CHOR and the county, but they get the ultimate say in where he will be. At least he seems to be settling in a little bit now, less anxious and less homesick. He is on my mind an awful lot, I guess just because he’s related to my heart of hearts, my sweet Primero and I feel a sense of duty in seeing him succeed in life. Everyone needs to have someone give a damn about them and I guess I put myself in that role for this kid. I try not to get angry at relatives who seem to extend an offer to home and family, only to rescind it with the slightest provocation. Sometimes I just don’t buy into the flesh and blood option as the be all, end all. I suppose, in a weird way, I’m glad the relatives didn’t feel like they could keep Primero because if they did he would never be my son. And I love him ever so dearly. Still, from the perspective of the kid, it sucks. I imagine the same for his brother. I pray for him to find a sense of peace in all that has happened and I pray he finds the stability necessary to get himself off the path of destruction and into a healthy and bright future.