I remember being 16. I remember how exhilarating it was to
get my driver’s license and suddenly have a freedom I had never known before. I
wonder if my parents sat at home having heart palpitations while I was out
enjoying my freedom? I wonder if their airways felt constricted contemplating
all the things that could go wrong while their child was sipping their first
tastes of adulthood? I’m sure they did, I’m sure most parents pace the floors worrying
about their new driver being out on the road alone. I know it is natural for a
young man Primero’s age to want to be out with friends, to take the car and zip
around town willy-nilly but I personally hate it. I’m not ready for this! My
heart constricts in my chest when I think of Primero becoming a legal adult in
less than 6 months. He might never have been my literal baby, like Love Bug,
but he’s still my baby, you know? I feel like we’ve hardly begun to be a family
and he’s already talking about when he gets his own place (thankfully, I think
he’s more realistic about this than his older siblings were) and how he can
pick up a friend and drive them around. And my mind keeps screaming, “No-no-no-no-no-no!!!”
How are we here already? So, I teeter between calmly settling appropriate
boundaries and desperately clutching him to my chest, trying to mother hen him
back under my wings safe and warm. I drive myself insane and then I beg him for
forgiveness, telling him I’m new at this and it’s freaking me out. He mostly
complies, knowing I have the power of hiding the car keys, but I know it bugs
him too because he’s a good kid just trying to grow up. I’m sure we will find
our footing as this becomes more mundane and regular, but until then I’ll just
have to have a glass of wine and try not to worry while Primero is out and
about.
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I got my licence at 16, and I loved having the freedom. But yes, it seems so young now! And those first few years are when we still really need guidance about safe driving and safe behaviour. I can understand your nervousness.
ReplyDeleteMy teen gets her permit in a few months (15.5 yrs old in our current state) & I'm nowhere near ready for the worries you described. She is my only child so I can't imagine how you feel having one spreading his wings while the other is learning to talk. Here's to a full glass of wine to calm you & the perfect bottle of hair dye to cover up those stress induced grays you're sure to have soon. ;)
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