Your Mother is Your Mother

Several weeks ago in conversation Primero referred to his mother as “the egg donor.” He called her this, I found out after admonishing him for calling his mother such a thing, because she told Hermano she “doesn’t talk to him” meaning Primero. He felt justified in demeaning his mother based on what she had or had not done and I let him know in no uncertain terms that wasn’t ok. I also reminded him that he might be hurt and feeling this way at the moment, but he would certainly challenge anyone else who dared to speak poorly of his mother. And, I assured him, they would soon patch things up again and be in communication and he might feel poorly for saying what he said. The one thing I can count on is for the downward trajectory to swing back up when considering the past cyclical nature of Primero’s relationship with his mother.

I’ve been reading the book “To the End of June” regarding children in foster care and the not-so-great state of foster care in America. The author wrote about her own experiences with her mother, who was often times neglectful and she sympathizes with the teens in foster care who, even when they are angry with them, can’t seem to let go of the thought that their mother might take them back. I don’t talk to Primero much about being adopted. I mean, we talk about his family and my family and our family together, but we don’t often talk about the action of adoption. I know, from our conversations, Primero does think about his mother and worry about her and perhaps on some level, he still wishes he lived with her. When I was reading about the teenagers in “To the End of June” I was amazed to learn they all professed a yearning to return to their biological mothers; even those who were adopted. But, then I thought about my mother and how I would not be readily willing to cut her out of my life, so I guess that isn’t so different. Not that my mom was abusive or anything, she was a pretty good mom growing up. It seems lately things are more rocky with my mom, but still I wouldn’t be too quick to cut ties and walk away. When I look at it that way, it does make a lot more sense. For better or for worse, your mother is your mother.  

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.