Lunch with My Sister

On Black Friday, I had lunch with my sister. She recently started seeing a therapist, again. She tried once before, but didn’t like the pervious therapist. From her description of what she wants, it sounds more like she is looking for a drill sergeant channeling their inner R. Lee Ermey. Still, it was enlightening to both of us to discuss the things that happened in our home, especially the trauma caused by our brother. My sister believes my over-caring and nurturing came because I felt like I needed to protect her at that time, since she was younger than me. I attributed it to my inflated sense of responsibility and taking on other people’s problems. For her, well it all seems to have manifest into anxiety and a hyper-vigilant need to control everything.


My sister still harbors a good deal of anger about the whole situation. We discussed how this might stem from the difference in our ages, since I was much older when the craziness was going on. I was also more independent and able to get out of the situation than my sister was at the time. I had a job, which took me out of the home frequently. She was pre-pubescent and felt trapped, other than the times I took her with me, which was anywhere I could. My sister also attributed her current emotional state to one of the major reasons she doesn’t want to have children. She realizes she is not emotionally prepared to care for another human life in such a capacity. Their dog is enough responsibility and demands enough of her time and energy. She also mentioned how her own stuff affects her marriage, when it spills out onto her husband. I believe it is quite wise of her to not let her own stuff affect an innocent child. Still, I think she would be a good, if demanding, mother, but I support her decision without reservation.

 

Our time spent together wasn’t all doom and gloom from the past, even if comparing therapy notes was slightly cathartic. After our lunch we walked to a nearby farm shop and delighted in some of their yummy fare. We tried a delicious hot apple cider, sniffed tantalizing handmade soaps and shampoo bars (I bought one to try), and drooled over the scrumptious smelling pies they were baking. All-in-all it was a wonderful visit and it made me wish we lived just a little closer together so we could have more outings just like it.