BFF (Best Friend Forever)

I had written earlier about Primero’s friend spending the weekend with us. When we were discussing his stay and the potential for him to spend the long weekend with us (they didn’t have school Monday for Martin Luther King day), I joked that it sounded like when Primero first came to visit. He came once and then asked to come back every weekend. I don’t remember what he said, but it sounded defensive, so I responded, “I was joking! I liked having you here, it never bothered me when you wanted to come over.” I’m not sure why Primero seemed defensive about my comparison, but I didn’t want him to think it was meant in a callous way. It was also around this time of year (January 10^th, to be exact) that I first met Primero, so the timing of it seems similar to me as well. The young man came over again all weekend and I think it’s nice that Primero has found a friend he can have over and hang out with. For so long it seemed like his friends would only have him over but not come over to our place. I think that Primero had a partial role in that because he didn’t want his friends hanging out with the little ones. I totally understand that. When I was a kid I didn’t want my friends hanging out with my sister, even though I spent most of my time with her when my friends weren’t there. She became so uncool when my friends came around, simply because she was 5 years younger than us. For Primero it is an even bigger discrepancy, so I’m sure some of that comes into play.

 

Primero and I had talked about another visit before he found out the “big secret” that his friend is questioning his sexuality. According to Primero, this changes everything. Now, I might not be the most savvy mom on the planet, but I was getting more than just friend vibes from Primero. Part of me chided myself for letting this boy sleep over in Primero’s room (and spend an exorbitant amount of time locked away in his room the whole weekend long, I might add) given that both of them might be interested in being more than just friends. But, I wouldn’t really want a girl sleeping over either and so where does that leave Primero? He can never have anyone not related to him sleep over simply because he is bisexual? In addition to letting go emotionally, I’m trying to get un-hung up on what may or may not be happening in Primero’s love life. I still remind him of safe sex at every chance I get but he’s at an age where he is more likely to become sexually active than ever before. Primero claims to not want to be intimate with a male and he reiterated his boundaries this morning when we were briefly discussing how he would act with his friend, who doesn’t know that he knows. But, I wasn’t born yesterday and I know how one thing can lead to another when emotions and hormones get flowing. I’d rather he be safe than sorry. Still, I question my decision in being ok with the two of them hanging out alone in Primero’s room. I remember spending alone time with friends, sequestering ourselves in our bedrooms to share secrets. But, those bedrooms were not far from our parents’ rooms and I wasn’t attracted to my best friends. Sigh. Like to many things in parenting, it’s really hard to know what is the right thing to do here! But, as long as they are being respectful towards one another and all the other members in the family, it’s hard to find a reason to stop allowing the visits.