Primero had a friend sleep over all weekend long. The young
man came home with him from school on Friday and didn’t go home until Sunday
evening. He was quiet, but seemed nice enough. Primero has been friends with
the boy’s girlfriend for about a year now, but only recently became friends
with the boy when they broke up. He found out last night, from the
ex-girlfriend, that the boy is questioning his sexuality and this has thrown
Primero into a total tizzy. I try to remember what my teenage dramas were, but
I just can’t seem to recall. Before the unexpected revelation Primero was
asking for the boy to come back again this coming weekend. I suspect their
friendship might become something more, but only time will tell. I feel the
need to stash more condoms in Primero’s bedroom, although the last time I
bought him some he used them as balloons…
At one point, when Primero was asking for the friend to
spend a second night, I said to him jokingly, “Won’t his mom miss him if he’s
here another night? I’d miss you so much if you were gone all weekend!” To
which, Primero replied, “I know, that’s why you’ll never let me sleep over at
my friend’s house for more than one night.” Well, it’s not like he ever asked!
But, it is something I struggle with, knowing that Primero will soon be flying
from the nest. I think I would have a hard time dealing with my first child
leaving, regardless of the situation, but feeling like I have had such a short
time with Primero makes it so much harder. He’s doing the right thing, he is
seeking his independence, I just find it’s hard to let go, hard to allow that natural
separation to occur when I’ve worked so hard to build an attachment and
belonging. I guess the first step is recognizing it right? I don’t want to be
one of those controlling parents who end up pushing their kid away because of
their own needs for attachment. Still, it feels like just yesterday Primero
moved in and I’m not yet feeling ready to let go. I’m a work in progress….
I think it's totally understandable that it's hard to prepare or even contemplate letting go, since you really have had a relatively short time with your boy. I'd say those feelings are completely normal.. Kudos to you for stashing the condoms in his room, you sound like a lovely, accepting parent.
ReplyDeleteThis is a totally rhetorical question, so you obviously don't have to answer, but I'm curious how you would feel about letting the boy spend the night after finding this out. I'm mainly curious because we have two sets of friends with 16-18 yr old sons who are gay & they both let boyfriends, as well as other male friends who are gay (but not boyfriends), spend the night. In full disclosure, I'm gay too, but even still, their double standard really surprises me & my wife. It's especially weird since these are NOT the types of parents who would let their daughter's boyfriend spend the night. What's the difference? Regardless of their reasons, I'm not judging them, the double standard is just interesting.
ReplyDelete