This is Us

This week’s episode of “This is Us” slayed me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to not sit and sob for the last 15 minutes of the show. There was just so much of me, of my life, in that show. (If you aren’t caught up on the show or haven’t started watching it, this post will contain spoilers, so stop reading now.) This week really isn’t any different from previous episodes in which I feel like layers of my life are being revealed to me. But, this week was hard because of two painful story lines – the infertile couple whose marriage is falling apart around them and Dr. K struggling with the loss of his wife. I was the infertile couple and I did try to bring a child into our life only to have him rejected. Only, instead of asking for a do-over and working things out, my ex left. No happy ending with pie and coffee for us. Seeing Dr. K alone in his house talking to his dead wife reminded me of my grandfather’s passing and how hard it is on my grandmother. She too made mention of wanting to join him after expressing how hard it was to be without him after 62 years of marriage. Thankfully, my father is more supportive than Dr. K’s son Peter, but the whole thing just made me ugly cry. I love this show, but it is so emotional to watch! In the pool episode when young Kate is first made aware that she should be ashamed of her body because she was heavier than the other (mean) girls – I’ve felt that. In the episode when the mom goes to visit Randall’s biological father and he is so excited to have an opportunity to spend time with his son, only to have her vanish – I wept because adoption is hard and painful and it’s sometimes hard to share a child in an open adoption. I cried because I wished my children’s mothers would be as over-joyed to spend time with their children as Randall’s father (and they might be and I just don’t see it). When Rebecca expressed tension in thinking there were biological family who could lay claim to her child, I understood this, knowing my children were not mine (and the little two still aren’t) and would never be mine alone. The depictions of Kate struggling with her weight, of her feeling less-than because she is heavy and of having to always fight for her self-worth in a society that says women her size are worthless – yeah, that strikes home in a big way. This show is so much me, it leaves me raw and also, strangely, aching for more. I’m happy to see a TV show presenting adoption in a realistic way. I’m doubly glad they are presenting the nuances of a transracial adoption. The story line is woven together very well, with so many realistic subplots and convincing actors. If you haven’t watched the show and I haven’t ruined too much, I highly recommend it. Just watch with a box of tissues.  

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