Regrets

I wish I could say I live my life without regrets. I certainly aspire to do so, but there are a few things I wish I wish I could do-over. One of those things is how I handled myself when Love Bug first came home. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally smitten with this baby and I could not have loved him more. But, I was scared, no terrified. I was scared he wouldn’t stay, like the other baby placements I had previously. And I let that fear keep me from doing the things I might have done had I not been so frightened of losing him. Because I knew I wouldn’t be having bump pictures or grainy ultrasound pictures to foist upon friends and foes alike, I desperately wanted to do a newborn photo shoot with all those cutesy little Ann Geddes-esk poses and props. I even talked to my photographer friend about doing it and she was game. But, I was too fearful of doing the photo shoot and having to hand the baby back to his mom that I never got around to do the pictures. And now I regret it. Sure, I have my amateur photos of baby Love Bug and some are precious, but it’s not the same. I wish I had the hindsight I have now, in knowing that even if baby Love Bug didn’t stay and become my son, I would still cherish the pictures and it would have been equally as nice for his mom to receive them as well.

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