One year ago today my life changed; this time for the
better. While I was still feeling reluctant, I had agreed to accept a foster
care placement for a 14 year old boy. He had been with me for multiple weekends
in a row and was already beginning to wriggle his way into my heart. He was
sweet and sensitive, boisterous and animated, funny and weird, but also a
beautiful young man both inside and out. After a few short weeks his tenure
with me went from temporary to permanent, as I couldn’t bare allowing the
county to put him in a boy’s home just so I could have a baby. I knew him and
knew he deserved better than that. So, I agreed to take him as a permanent
foster care placement. We began to settle into our routine. Then, it became
obvious he would not be returning home and I was asked to “take custody”
of him when his case reached that point. He then went from a weekend respite
foster child to an adopted son. And our relationship really blossomed at that
point, once we could love freely without holding back, without reservations or
attempts to protect our hearts from the inevitable separation. Our story is
special to me, as special as this sweet boy is cherished in my heart. I never
expected to adopt a teenage child because I never thought I would be able to
grow attached to a teenage child. But, I have. I love Primero with all my heart
and I am so, so happy to have him in my life. I’m so blessed to be able to call
him my son. I wrote the following to him in a heartfelt letter:
Primero,
My beloved. One year ago my life was changed for the
better. Wow! One year and yet it feels like I’ve known you a life time; it
feels like we’ve always been together, our hearts are kindred spirits. I don’t
know what I can say to you that I haven’t already said in previous letters I’ve
written, so I will just reiterate how blessed I am to have you in my life, as
my son. There are a lot of adoption stories out there but ours is and always
will be my favorite. Last year, when I agreed to have you move in with me, I
thought it was for a short period of time. We were having such a good time when
you came to visit on the weekends, I thought it would nice to have you stay for
a bit longer. I clearly remember telling you, in the kitchen as you complained
about the new “ratched” foster family, that you were moving in with me. To see
you so happy when I said you were moving in, oh I don’t ever want to forget
that moment! It’s simply my favorite! But then my heart was torn into pieces
when I heard that you would be moved away if an adoptive placement was found
for me. I think I was already falling in love with you by that point and I just
couldn’t bear the thought of you being shoved into a cold, loveless shelter.
You didn’t deserve that, you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you, but
you certainly didn’t deserve to be in a shelter. I knew I had to find a way to
let you stay, just a little while longer. I had no peace in my heart until I
decided to build the basement bedroom and make a permanent space for you. It
wasn’t long after that when we found out your stay would indeed be permanent,
that you had found a home. When you asked if I would consider adopting you, I
was taken aback. I never dreamed my first child would be a teenage boy taller
than me! But, I knew I loved you and if you were happy being in my home I knew
we could make it work. This year has been one of growth for both of us. My
heart grew to accept a “placement” that wasn’t something I had previously
thought I could do. Yet, I am so blessed, so honored to be chosen as your
mother. You are a beautiful young man. I am so proud of your accomplishments
and I marvel at your resilience. You have never and will never let adversity
keep you down. Your heart is good and kind, you are loyal to those you love and
fun to be around. You are definitely one special kid. And I love you so much
sometimes I think my heart might burst. I am glad we are a family and I am so
anxious and excited and happy for the day to finally come when you will be my
forever son. My sweet boy. I love you. Here’s to many, many more happy years
together!
Mom
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