Massive Miscommunication

Last night the adoption case worker came over. Luckily it is unseasonably warm and muggy right now, so the children were content to play outside while we talked. Emails were flurrying around between CHOR and CYS yesterday trying to find a time for a meeting. It seems like it might be next Tuesday. The adoption case worker read the situation differently than I have been, more of a miscommunication than any vindictive malicious act. Somehow, when we had the meeting in August, the meeting to discuss how best to help me and Chica Marie, the county case worker left with the idea we (me and CHOR) wanted her removed. I guess because we didn’t contest the therapeutic foster care option? I don’t know. I remember saying I wasn’t giving up on this child and we are her home, we are her family. I remember the county worker saying, noting my tears, I was not the picture of a mother giving up and that I loved her enough to let her go. I thought she meant to therapeutic foster care, but evidently she thought removal permanently. I don’t get it. And, when I expressed my bad blood feeling with Grandma, the adoption case worker said perhaps Grandma felt I was not honest with her, if the county called her and said I didn’t want to adopt Chica Marie. So, rather than reach out and ask me, she went with what the county told her, never mind my promise to her to do all I could to ensure Chica Marie returned to my home. I don’t get it, honestly. But, it was moderately encouraging that the adoption case worker thinks this whole thing is salvageable, that it might not be a done deal. I don’t think she is sold on the Filial therapy discovery I made, but at least she reiterated all of the CHOR case workers and supervisors were on-board for Chica Marie to not be removed permanently. I’m so glad they have my back.

 

I think the saddest thing is when professionals working in the field have a jaded view of how the decisions are made. When we were talking about things last night, it dawned on me that Chica Marie and Mini Momma have not lived together in 3 years. I was commenting on how hard it would be, how much therapy would be needed, to get the two girls to have a healthy sibling relationship. The adoption case worker said, “The county doesn’t care. That’s Grandma’s problem. They just see a kinship home willing to take Chica Marie and that’s all.” Wow! I mean, she isn’t wrong, but that certainly isn’t helping Chica Marie or Mini Momma or their grandmother and the rest of the family. It’s actually quite cold and callous. Still, legally, the county gets a gold star for placing a child with kin. High five! It’s just another case of ignoring what’s best for the child(ren) in favor of what’s best for CYS.