Mental Anguish

At work last week I met two women very down on their luck. Both women are unemployed and trying to find work but other life things are making finding work hard. One woman explained to me she was homeless and living in a shelter.  She had been in an abusive relationship and her ex-boyfriend kicked her out when he went back to his ex-girlfriend. He took everything from her, including her car. She expressed feeling culture shock finding herself living in town, in a homeless shelter and trying to keep herself and her things in order. She also expressed feeling optimistic that things would soon change for the better; this too shall pass.

 

The second woman is dealing with neurological damage in her hips due to receiving radiation for cancer. She found out she was sick just before losing her job and is now having trouble finding a new job because her health condition does not allow for her to drive long distances nor sit or stand for long periods of time. She told me she was homeless before getting the job she most recently had. In conclusion to her story she said, “But, at least I’m alive.”

 

There have been three high-profile celebrity suicides this year; Avicii the popular, successful, talented and wealthy DJ, Kate Spade, the popular, successful, talented, wealthy designer, and Anthony Bourdain, the popular, successful, talented, and wealthy chef and food travel connoisseur. From a public perspective these individuals had it all. They were living their passions and making a good living doing so. They were also at the top of their game, still relevant and sought out in this fast-paced meme-filled world. But, the world did not know about their private struggles, the personal demons lurking in their own minds that eventually pushed them to take their own lives.  The contrast between the stories I shared and the celebrities is only to show how the mental health of an individual, and not their circumstances, can make the difference.    

 

I am always deeply saddened to hear someone has ended their own life and I think of what anguish they must have felt when contemplating that decision. If you have watched the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why, it attempts to show why a young person might choose to end their life, showing all the main character endured before the final scene in the first season. Being the mother of children who have personal histories of childhood trauma, family histories of mental health issues (including suicide) and substance abuse, with the added layer of foster care and adoption, I worry. Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than non-adoptees. That is a sobering statistic. Every parent should have periodic gut-checks to gauge how their children are doing, what is going on in their lives and what events might have affected them. Even more so for adoptive parents.

 

Primero’s siblings have cut themselves. His mother has had suicide threats and attempts. I talk with Primero about mental health, I let him know there is no shame, no issue at all, with seeing a therapist or talking to someone about mental health issues or struggles. I don’t know if it is enough, but I keep putting it out there, I keep talking. Chica Marie is diagnosed with ADHD and she probably has issues with anxiety. She is still pretty young, but she has had various levels of therapy and will most likely continue with some form of therapy for the foreseeable future. I am diligent about trying to find help for my kids because I know they need it.

 

I won’t pretend to understand depression. I won’t pretend I understand how it feels to think death is the answer. I know the pain in the wake of someone choosing to end their life. A close family friend overdosed just a few days shy of his twenty-second birthday and, although the family never admitted it, he knew he was flirting with the end. Could someone have done something to help him before that fateful night nearly 14 years ago? I don’t know. That is my honest answer. I know there is a lot of talk right now on social media about getting help, calling a suicide hotline, getting services for mental health, but if someone is in such mental/emotional anguish will they be able to get the help they need? At what point does the scale tip too far? The family friend was struggling with adjusting to life after serving in the Marines. He died with his entire family sleeping in their bedrooms above him. Why did he feel like he couldn’t go wake them up and talk to them? I don’t know. I have no answers, just sadness and wishing there was some way to reach that person who is thinking they don’t want to endure any more tomorrows. For me and my family, I do what I can to keep the lines of communication open without judgment or reservation. I hope that will mean something for my children. I wish it meant something for the others.