I Think He Can

On Monday, when I was dropping Love Bug off at daycare, his early intervention therapist was there waiting for him to arrive. She asked to quickly confer with me because the group he has been attending asked to shift him to the morning class to do more assessments with him. “Because he really struggles,” she stated emphatically, “and we really want to get a better idea of his limitations and what services he needs to help him.” I felt like she was trying to convince me, continuing to push her diagnosis as if I am resisting anything she has offered or suggested. Initially, I didn’t believe her suggestion that Love Bug was on the spectrum. But, I have not fought the process, I have not bucked the system trying to officially diagnosis him. I have agreed to what has been suggested and I was agreeing to submit to more “testing” by switching the class. After she spoke to me and I hurried on to work, I thought about how badly I wanted to prove her wrong. Love Bug CAN DO IT! I wanted to scream. He does have difficulties and he does need some accommodations but he is not incapable of doing the things we ask him to do.

 

Sadly, I felt the bitterness of defeat at baseball practice Tuesday night. It was the first outdoor practice at a park. I was feeling frustrated because the team parents and coach want to hold practice early, around 5 or 5:30, making it so hard for us to get there on time. We would not be able to have dinner, since we only get home around 5. I don’t know if it was the tension I was emitting due to the early start time or simply because there were two playgrounds there that Love Bug would rather scramble around on than toss a ball. He hasn’t really been participating in practice, but if he stands with his team, I’m satisfied. Tuesday, he just wasn’t having it. He was stuck on knowing when the practice would end, demanding to see my phone even though he has no concept of time. The end result was us leaving early because he was kicking me, hitting me, throwing sticks at me and starting to act like he would throw sticks at the other parents. He was also screaming. Tears stung my eyes as I felt like raising the white surrender flag. He can’t do it.

 

When I was talking to the mobile therapist last night he said he wasn’t wholly convinced Love Bug presented with ASD behaviors. He saw Oppositional Defiance, maybe ADHD, but he mentioned how Love Bug could manage in situations with a lot of structure. I don’t know if he has made any final conclusions and Love Bug’s evaluation with the therapist isn’t scheduled for a few months, but this confusion is maddening to me. I just want a straight answer. But, with mental health, so many things are more complicated than a simple diagnosis. One positive thought that occurred to me while I was talking to the mobile therapist was to set a timer for Love Bug during practice. It helps him sometimes, to not obsess about the time if he knows an alarm will go off releasing him from his task. So, I will try this next practice. I won’t give up. Love Bug can do it.