Lost and Disconnected

“…research suggests kids who don’t use contraception tend to be kids who are feeling lost and disconnected and not doing well.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?_r=0)

 

I don’t even remember what I was looking for when I found this article. The line I have copied above sums up what I believe about Hermano and that chickie he’s sort-of seeing. Despite my best attempt to intervene, he is still talking to this girl, as Primero reported to me last night. The girl came to the after school program where Primero hangs out and she told Primero all about his brother and their conversations. Apparently the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage – the latest lie in my opinion. When Primero told me this I said, “Well of course it did because it’s not like she can keep that lie going for very long, eventually people are going to want to see the baby!” So, as I surmised, Hermano is engaging in risky sex (not using protection) because of the pain on the inside. He’s lost and not doing well. Luckily, he is also many miles from this little tart, so they are unable to get into trouble at the moment. But, it did make me pause last night and think about Hermano’s motives for trying to get here. I would say it’s a mixed bag. Mostly, he wants to have a family, to fit in and be loved, but I think it might partially be to get “back” to his “old” life too. Primero admitted he didn’t know his brother well enough to determine his true motives. Showing wisdom beyond his years, Primero suggested we just hold on and see where things take us. Good idea, only I’m a little too type A for that (I don’t consider myself a textbook Type A like my sister, but I do have some of those tendencies…..). Still, worrying about things that might never happen is my specialty. I like to plan for the what if’s in life as best as I can. You would think that after all I’ve been through these last three years I would have gotten over that need to control all possible outcomes. After all, I never believed I would be getting divorced. But, old habits die hard. And, this is also where the Type A slips into the equation – I don’t want to make a mistake, I want to be perfect. It’s not like I actually believe I am perfect, because I know I am not, it’s more like I have a very stringent ideal I want to live up to and I’m hard on myself to make that happen. But, I’m miles off topic now. Back to the subject. I know, intellectually and cognitively, that Hermano is the only one who can make changes in the way he makes decisions and in the way he behaves. I know that I’m nothing more than a chirping little Jiminy Cricket doggedly begging him to “let his conscience be his guide” And I know one lecture about making wise decisions for his future does not undo the past umpteen years of misguided and corrupt morals. Still, I hold out hope. I pray my words do not fall on deaf ears and that something inside of him awakens to the new possibilities afforded to him, despite his distaste of his current situation. I pray that God sends angels to watch over him and that He reaches down to fill that empty void in this kids life. Parenting any teenager is a challenge, ask anyone living with such a creature, but parenting a teen from foster care takes an extra-special level of dedication and determination. In my moments of doubt I panic and think, “My God, I’m not equipped to do this!” but then I realize that biological children do not come with an instruction manual, so it is very likely that many parents feel inadequate when dealing with a teenager. I can only do what I can, the rest is up to the kid and God. But, in dealing with Hermano I am more and more grateful for the wonderful young gentleman I have already living with me. I know Primero isn’t a saint, but he’s pretty darn perfect in my eyes…..