Small Victories

It may sound silly, but for a little while now I’ve been worried that the baby wasn’t bonded to me. And, this isn’t coming from a selfish, I-want-to-be-his-forever-mommy place, it’s coming from an understanding that if a baby can attach to his caretaker appropriately, then he will have less attachment issues later on. Last night dispelled my fears. I had a meeting at night after work and had to leave the children with a different foster family. They had taken care of the baby one day last week and they agreed to watch both children while I was in my meeting. The little girl cried when I left her, which she has done before. She settled down after a few minutes and didn’t notice my absence until later on. When I got back to the house I could hear the baby crying. The foster mom was holding him and she said he had been crying like that for 45 minutes. I took him from her, kissed his cheek and said, “What’s the matter sweet boy?” He quieted almost instantly. “Aw, his just needed his momma,” the other foster mom said. I was amazed at how quickly he calmed down once I was holding him and he only whimpered when I put him in his car seat. It was true, all he wanted was the person who has been holding him and putting him to sleep night after night for the past four months. He wanted me. I know to all those bio-mommas out there, this ain’t no thang. But, it’s HUGE to me. I almost started bawling right then and there. So, the baby *is* attached to me. To me! He likes that Primero makes him laugh and plays him music or when his sister pretends to read him a book, but when he is tired and in a strange place, he seeks comfort from my arms, from my voice, from my kiss. It’s an amazing thing, it truly is!

 

Yesterday was full of good news. We got the green light to have Primero’s brother spend the weekend with us for his birthday! Both boys are so excited and I know for Primero this birthday is shaping up to a pretty good one. One downfall is that I do have to drive an hour one way to get this kid, but it will be worth it, for both of them. It will be wonderful for Primero to have his brother with him on his birthday because he couldn’t last year. And it will be worth it for the brother because he will get to spend time in our home and see if it is still the place where he would rather be. I’m so, so, so glad it worked out because before yesterday morning, it didn’t seem like it was going to happen. I called the brother’s foster mom last night. She is with a different agency, one I’ve never heard of. In my short stint as a foster mother, I’ve interacted with many foster families from my own agency, but very few from other agencies. With the exception of one person, I’ve found all the foster families with CHOR to be kind, warm, and genuinely nice people. The one person I don’t care for is arrogant and seems disinterested in being a foster parent, he does it because he’s married to a woman who’s been a foster mother for many years. When I have called other foster families who don’t know me, they are always cordial after I explain who I am. This other foster mother was gruff and rather rude. I’m hoping she is less abrasive in person than over the phone and that when I meet her Friday afternoon, she is as kind and gregarious as all the other CHOR foster families. I know we are with different agencies and we live in different counties, but we have two young men who are brothers and I think we should be able to work together to help them out. Rather than a sense of cooperation, I got the sense that I was an annoyance to her and a problem she wished to expel. She wanted to hear from the case worker with her agency that this plan was truly happening, which I can understand. But, there are polite ways of stating this, which she did not employ. If she treats the foster kids this way, is it any wonder the brother wants to desperately to leave that home? Again, I’m hoping  I just caught her at a bad time, in a bad mood, or off-guard and her normal behavior isn’t so condescending. I don’t mean to rag on another foster parent, I know firsthand that this isn’t an easy gig. I was just so put off by her mannerisms, I can’t help but relay my displeasure. Regardless, we count this as a victory for Primero and his brother. As Primero’s case worker said, they deserve this and they do. I’m glad I made the inquiry and didn’t let fear hold me back. I’m hoping we have a lovely time together, just the three of us since the little ones are going into respite for the weekend. Two teenage boys in the house this weekend, I’m a glutton for punishment! No, in reality, it is a blessing, one I'm very thankful is coming to pass.