It's Complicated

So we received word that we can have Hermano visit for Thanksgiving. The only dilemma now is the impending snow storm on the day I planned to pick him up. Non-essential state employees (that’s me) are allowed to leave work 2 hours early Wednesday, so this means I could start my journey to get Hermano at that time. But, the snow is supposed to start sometime late morning and so things could be very messy by 2:30. Not only that, but I would need to be back to town a little before 5 in order to pick up the children and take them to their visit by 5 pm. Even without snow, this would be pushing it because it’s a little over an hour to get there and then another hour back, which means we would only be back to town by 4:30 at the earliest. I could take the little ones with me, but I would still need to be back to town by 5 to get them to their visit. Add a dash of fear that my car won’t make this trip up and back and you have a recipe for some serious anxiety. Just the complications of life……

 

So, I’m kind of ambivalent about Hermano’s visit right now. I don’t mean about him coming, but about how his stay will go. First of all, the little ones will be around so that will make a difference. Second, it will be for a longer time, so more time for things to go sideways. Also, after a few discussions with Primero and the things  I see Hermano posting on Facebook, I just don’t know what to think about the whole scenario. Primero spent some time with his oldest brother and sister last week. He said he asked them the question I asked him about Hermano being manipulative towards me to get what he wants and they believed he would do that. I get the sense that the older siblings don’t trust Hermano, perhaps because he got mixed up in the wrong activities and they, like Primero, blame him for their mother getting involved in those things as well. Maybe they just project their anger towards their mother onto Hermano, since he was the last one to be taken from her. I don’t know, I’m no psychiatrist. I just get the sense that things have changed since his first visit. Maybe it’s me who’s changed or maybe it’s just the natural way things go – big hype, lots of emotions at the onset and then things settle down as the situation is accepted for what it is. Or maybe it’s just the dread of the drive that is making me wish it was the weekend already. I simply don’t know.

 

In all honesty, my ambivalence might be more due to my severe lack of sleep than anything else. The baby is teething and so neither of us are sleeping well right now. It’s starting to drag on me as I clocked my fourth sleepless night last night. Not only is the baby waking up 4,5,6 times but he does not want to fall back asleep. He wants to be held and when I think he is asleep and lay him back down he waits until I’m back in bed and then begins wailing once again. My nerves are a bit frazzled at this point and I’m looking forward to the distraction of the holiday where at least I’ll have more hands to help in soothing a crabby baby.

 

Last week the little girl started therapy. It might sound silly, a toddler in therapy, but so often these little ones have been through so much trauma they just need a little professional help to sort it out. The therapist sat and talked with me about the types of behaviors and issues I felt the little girl was displaying and that could be addressed in therapy. I think it will be helpful for her, but it means more running for me.

 

Running kids here and there pretty much defines my weekday evenings. Primero is involved in two programs at the Center for the Arts on Monday’s, Tuesday’s and Thursday’s until 8:30 in the evening. Every other Tuesday I have training at CHOR from 6-7:30 pm. The little ones have visits on Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s which have just changed from 4-6 to 5-7. Ugh! The only night that no one has to go anywhere is Friday (except when Primero has therapy on Fridays – it waffles between Monday’s and Friday’s) and by that point I’m just pooped! It won’t be like this forever. Right???