Mini Momma

“I saw my mom the other week and she said my grandmother bought a house and is taking classes to get us all to come live with her.” This is what Chica Marie’s older sister told us on Sunday. We had her over for her birthday so she could see her younger siblings and while making lunch, this is what she told us. Chica Marie had a meltdown after I explained that I didn’t know if this was true, I had only heard their grandmother was working towards having her sister move in with her, not all of them (and I wasn’t going to say anything but Chica Marie started insisting she needed to get ready since the move was imminent). Luckily, I got her to settle down enough to continue the visit and then surprise cake and ice cream at her sister’s foster home. It was nice and I’m glad I called the foster mom to see about the sister’s birthday because she didn’t plan on doing anything until I asked about having a visit for her birthday.

I had heard before our case worker left (yes, she was only with us a short time and now we are waiting on a new hire and have the foster care supervisor for our case worker) that the therapist for the older sister mentioned she didn’t think the kinship situation was going to work out. This surprised me because I thought the only reason the grandmother didn’t get the older sister before when she presented for her (nearly a year ago now!) was because of the visits and various therapy sessions which would require a 2 hour round trip drive 4-5 days out of the week and the grandmother just couldn’t do it. Who could blame her? Now, with no visits and only one therapy session per week, the grandmother reinstated her desire to keep the older girl and I thought it would be a done deal, since this is how it has gone in previous foster care cases I’ve been involved in. I was saddened to hear it might not work out because I felt like the grandmother would be more invested in getting the kids together for visits and keeping them in touch. Our new case worker had not heard this same rumor. She emailed the county case worker and tried to slide that information in but the CYS case worker didn’t respond, at least not to reply all. I reported the above information to both case workers regarding the persistent rumor of grandma taking one or all of the kids. The county case worker asked to see me yesterday but I had left the office to take Primero to the orthodontist and didn’t see her response until too late in the afternoon. I know she needs the paperwork I signed eons ago for Primero’s adoption but it seems like she might want to discuss more with me regarding the little one’s case. I’m nervous about seeing her now because I really don’t want to hear that the grandmother has changed her mind and wants to take all three kids. But, I would rather know now than find out in court next week, so I can prepare myself (ha!) for the emotional fall-out. I can’t even. I can’t think about it or I will lose my mind!

On a more positive note, there was a noted change in the older sister’s attitude (she needs a name here, so I think I will call her Mini Momma because she often acts like Chica Marie’s mommy, not her big sister) this visit. I don’t know if it was maturity or if she was just content but I was pleasantly surprised in her demeanor and how improved her behavior was, even around her sister (who was acting up big time). I don’t know if it stems from not siphoning the drama from her mom or if it is the foster home she is in now, but she is a different girl now than she was even a few months ago when she came for a visit. I hope this change lasts!

In other totally random news, last night I spent a few minutes comforting/talking to Primero’s girlfriend. Yes, the one I don’t like. Esperanza had been talking to her and didn’t know what else to do to help her so she asked if the girlfriend would like to talk to me. The girlfriend was nervous, stating she didn’t want me to call CYS, but she did agree to talk. And by talk, I mean text. If you had a teenager, you would know they don’t actually “talk.” Anyway, it was a brief exchange trying to help her deal with difficulties with her parents. They were fighting and she felt like it was her fault. I don’t think I really offered much sage advice and we didn’t talk for long, but hopefully it helped just to know there was an adult willing to listen to how she was feeling. I let Primero read the exchange lest it be said I said or did something I didn’t say or do. My take away from it was that it felt good that Esperanza trusted me enough to suggest the girlfriend talk to me, that she felt confident in the fact that I would talk to the girl and try to do what I could to help her. That’s trust right there! And it’s been a hard won trust, so I will take it with gusto! I do feel bad for the girl because I lived through a similar experience with my parents fighting about how to handle situations with my brother. I tried to convey to her that she wasn’t the “problem” but it was her parents being unable to communicate and agree that was the problem. She was very hurt by some things her mom said about her and her brother (which Esperanza relayed to me the specifics) and I told her to let her parents know how hurt she was once they calmed down. And, because Esperanza mentioned she brought up hurting herself, I cautioned her to take care of herself so she could care for her baby. It was weird, to be talking to the girlfriend this way, but I’ve never turned my back on a kid in need and don’t plan to, so regardless of how much I wish she weren’t dating my son, I would go out of my way to help her if she were in a crisis. Taking time to talk to her wasn’t a big deal to me, but hopefully it meant giving her validation for her hurt feelings and not letting her situation overwhelm her to the point of desperation. It’s strange how life goes sometimes…….