My husband called me at work today. In the 14 months I have been at this job, he has never called me on my work phone (he calls me on my cell, which I cannot answer at work). He says he doesn’t like having to dial my extension. Whatever. So, Flaco called me today and said, “I have some bad news.” My first thought was something terrible happened to one of his family members in Nicaragua. “What?!” I cried breathlessly (well, really I cried, “Qué pasó?!” because we were speaking in Spanish, but I figure this story will have a lot more significance with the given audience if I do the translating). Flaco’s brother, closest in age (he is 22) – we shall call him Tica, since he has been living in Costa Rica and the Costa Ricans are Ticas (the Nicaraguans are Nicas) – is planning to go back to Costa Rica perhaps next week. He just arrived back to the small farming village in Nicaragua last Monday, with the intention of beginning a new business with my husband. Tica was going to add-on to the family’s house and open a hair cutting salon. The first in this small community. But, he spent the money he saved from working in Costa Rica on fixing the family’s motorbike and now has nothing to add, financially, to the business. I was angry because I felt like Tica just expects my husband to fork over the start-up cash and then he will reap the benefits. Flaco said Tica will make his final decision on Monday, if he will stay or if he will return to Costa Rica.
Then, Flaco says, “And I have more bad news.” Does this man not believe in giving any good news following bad news?! “May got married this past Saturday.” (May is the name I have chosen for his sister – really they all have interesting “Nica” names). HOLD THE PHONE!!! She did WHAT?! May is only 19 years old! And she was going to school – beyond high school! When we were down visiting I had a long, long talk with her about waiting to get married (since all her girlfriends have gotten married and have had babies) and to finish school first. She told me she broke up with her past boyfriend because he was pressuring her to get married and she wanted to finish high school first. May is the only child in my husband’s family of 5 to have gotten a high school education (the younger two are still in school, but not showing much gumption to study and excel). I was so incredibly proud of her because in order to get her diploma, she had to learn to ride the motorbike 30 minutes one-way into town every day because there is no high school in their community. Before she could do that, she had to study on the weekends for over a year to prepare. And right after high school, she was offered a scholarship to study agri-business at the local community college because she was one of the top in her class. And now she is throwing it all away to run off with some young guy. Don’t get me wrong, he is nice enough and seems to genuinely care for her, but he is only 20-21 himself and he doesn’t have a job (other than butchering his parents cattle on the weekends and selling the meat). I am just furious with her. And, I am also a little hurt. Like my words of encouragement meant nothing to her. She didn’t even call us to tell us herself or to tell us ahead of time (to be fair, “getting married” meant she just moved in with his family – I doubt very much that they had any kind of ceremony or that they went to town to get a marriage license). I do realize there is a huge cultural difference going on here and really, she is just being a “normal” Nicaraguan young woman, but I had such high hopes for her!
But, if I am honest with myself, I am also a little worried that she will very soon be pregnant. In Nicaragua, they do not wait until they are settled or until they feel financially prepared to start popping out the little ones. And, they are young. Probably very fertile. I am already preparing myself for this new level of hurt and anger. Our child is supposed to be the first grandchild! We have been married for nearly 3 years now and together for over 5 years. We have been trying longer! We have a house and both of us have jobs. WE deserve to have the first grandchild, not two silly kids who just run off together!! I told my husband I will not be able to endure her having a baby before us. And I see it happening! I pray to God that they will be responsible and wait until May finishes school, but I have the feeling that God has found a new means of torturing me. Now, not only will all my friends have a baby before me, but my sister-in-law ten years my junior will also be a mother before I am! It seems the pain in my journey thus far is not enough; I must bear more and more heartache. Already I can feel myself getting bitter and already I am internally screaming at God, “How could You?!” I cannot tolerate it! We have waited our turn. We have prayed and begged and pleaded. What more do You want from me?! What else can be heaped upon my head to create unendurable agony? I can already hear “everyone” clamoring, “Calm down! It hasn’t happened yet and it might not happen! Just take it easy, your time will come.” But, my give-a-dam is busted.
I would never tell you to calm down about this...even though I probably should. What you are going through was my biggest fear for two years...that my sister-in-law was going to produce the first grandchild in my husband's family (he and his sister are the only children...so it was a race of sorts). In fairness, she did wait until after she was married and had closed on a house (the month of the house closing to be specific...yeah...first try), to get pregnant. But she is a young chef, with not a lot of time on her hands and not a lot of money in the bank. Hearing that she was pregnant, this last November, broke me. Hopefully it won't happen to you...hopefully May will focus on her studies. But "hopefully" sometimes provides little comfort. I'm thinking of you and hoping that the feelings you are having to endure pass soon. Either way, you know you have lots of ladies supporting you and sharing in your pain.
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