Captured! Stung!

So I was stung by one of my bees on Sunday. I hadn’t been stung in a while, so I figured I was about due. The hives were going crazy with their honey-making and they weren’t in a mood to be messed with. Ironically, I was stung before I even cracked open the hive because I was trying to get my smoker to stay lit…. Anyway, this one sting was a doozy. I was stung on the top of my right thigh and initially, the sting didn’t hurt too bad. It began to swell that night and the next day when I tried to get out of bed, my leg was stiff and hurt – a lot! I dumped some tea tree oil on it and went on my way, but my thigh was throbbing, hot to the touch, and the swelling had expanded from the size of my fist to engulf nearly the entire top of my thigh from hip to knee (I iced it last night while watching DWTS and that helped). Yikes! So, I turned to my trusted Google and find on WebMD that it appears I’ve had a mild allergic reaction to this sting. Oh, ok. No biggie, it’s not life-threatening just a nuisance. BUT, here’s the kicker. According to WebMD “People who have experienced an allergic reaction to an insect sting have a 60% chance of a similar or worse reaction if they are stung again.” Uh-oh! I’m most assuredly going to be stung again, that’s part and parcel to being a bee-keeper. My father is highly allergic to bee stings (thus the reason why he has stayed away from my hives) and I don’t know if these types of things run in families or not, but it’s highly coincidental. I think, I really just need to look into buying the whole bee suit. I have a jacket with the hood and I have gloves, but I do nothing to protect my legs and so I get stung from time to time. Previous stings resulted in annoying swelling and itching, but nothing to the extent of this most recent episode. I think I just need some bee pants before I find I need an epi-pen for my bee keeping adventures!

In other news, I was on the local TV station today (for our county, so no big thing) in celebration of Foster Parent Appreciation month. I was asked, well practically begged, to attend and speak about how foster families can help birth families in addition to the work they do for and with the children. Because of my work schedule, I knew I would be cutting it close. One of the foster mom’s was outside the building holding a new baby they were placed with just a few weeks ago. I knew I was running late, but I got distracted by the little one until one of the CHOR workers came running out of the building and ushered me inside. “They need you now!” she cried as she shoved me into the room with the other participants. I threw my purse and work ID onto the floor and managed to get in my seat just moments before the camera girl gave the “we’re on” signal. The marketing director from CHOR was the host and one of the family workers was there as case worker to talk about how the agency helps families through services. At one point, when I was describing the photo albums I made as Christmas presents for the little one’s mom and grandmother, the host began tearing up, which distracted me. I mostly talked about my experience with Love Bug and Chica Marie’s mom since it is my most recent experience. And, despite her gruffness, it has been the most successful, since the mom of the two little ones I had in 2013 never warmed up to me. I think, if she and I had had more personal interaction we would have been able to communicate better and we would have had less issues. Perhaps. I didn’t get a chance to mention the interaction we have had with Primero’s family. The show was brief and in roughly 30 minutes I was headed back to work just in time for lunch.

When I was asked at the Foster Parent’s banquet if I would be on the panel for this show, I wasn’t sure I was the best representative of successful foster parent – bio parent co-parenting. I still have a lot of issues with Primero’s mom, things that can’t be resolved because of her current incarceration. I wish things could be better and I feel like I tried. So, I have to focus more on integrating the rest of his family into mine. I guess I just think that if the case workers and all those involved knew what my darkest thoughts have been about the bio families or if they see me on a down day, they wouldn’t be so adulatory of my interactions. There have been plenty of times where I didn’t want to be kind or exhibit compassion towards someone I viewed as hurting innocent children that I loved. I have often felt irritated by bio parents who have placed unwarranted demands on me. Or put up with the anger and verbal abuse or, in the case of the two in 2013, the constant nagging about one thing or another just because they knew it bugged me. I’ve expressed frustrations over family members dropping children off at my home at ridiculous hours or at having my valuable time wasted by long drawn out good-byes after visits (and I know that it’s a hard thing, I do). Many times I just haven’t wanted to “play nice” because I’m the one not sleeping or having to deal with massive break-downs in the middle of the grocery store (or avoiding outings altogether). I guess, despite those things, the case workers have noticed a willingness, that I do try to set aside my petty feelings and do the best I can for the children. At least, I hope that’s what they are seeing. It certainly isn’t always easy!

So, I forgot to report on an incident that happened last Friday. We were eating dinner at a diner near home and had just about finished our meal when my cell phone rang. The number on the phone was listed as Hermano’s previous foster home, the one so far away from us with the super-nice foster mom. I wondered why she was calling, so I answered. She started the conversation by asking, “Is Hermano in trouble?” I asked her to clarify and then explained that he had run away from his foster home in our town and was living on the streets. She said he had just visited her and she fed him because he was so skinny. He was in her town visiting his girlfriend, but he neglected to mention living on the streets after running away from his foster home because he tested positive for drugs. I called CHOR to report his whereabouts, since he was a runaway. I had no idea how this all worked because thankfully none of my foster children have run away. The on-call worker had to call her supervisor who happened to be my family worker. She asked me to call BCCYS on-call, which I did. This took an immense amount of time. We had left the restaurant and drove to the local Redbox so Primero could rent a movie. And by the time I finally spoke to the BCCYS case worker we had arrived home. The foster mom had called me a bunch of times in between asking what she should do and telling me she would be willing to take Hermano back if they would let her. The CYS worker suggested the foster mom call the police, since CYS can’t get involved until the police pick him up. I gave the on-call worker the foster mom’s number and they took it from there. The foster mom called me to let me know that the police had picked up Hermano. They were waiting for a constable from our city to take him to the youth detention center he was in last September. The foster mom tried desperately to get in touch with her agency to beg them to let Hermano stay with her. She was so distraught, worried that Hermano would be angry with her. I tried to soothe her frazzled nerves by telling her this was happening because of poor decisions Hermano had made, starting with him coming back to our city. In her last phone call the foster mom explained that the BCCYS case worker would not let Hermano stay with her because he was too much of a flight risk. She went on the explain that she didn’t think Hermano would be allowed back into a foster home, he would most likely remain in a group home until he turns 18 next year. It’s so sad. My heart breaks for Hermano. I wish it hadn’t come to this, but it did. I asked Primero how he felt about it and he shrugged like he didn’t care. He said his brother did this to himself. He called his oldest brother to let him know what happened. I’m glad Hermano is off the streets but it’s heartbreaking to think he might be held in a facility until he ages out of the system. I don’t know what will happen to him, I just hope and pray he is ok and that he will use this as a wake-up call to get his act straight.   

I still feel bad that Hermano could not come to stay with us. I don’t know that it would have made any difference in the outcome of things and it could have made things more difficult for Primero, so I guess it’s probably a good thing he only visited. But, I think about him often and worry how he is doing. I know he has had a difficult life, just like Primero. Although, unlike Primero, many of his problems stem from his own poor choices versus what was done to him. Hermano has a victims attitude that Primero doesn’t seem to share, thank goodness. Hermano also has a poor relationship with the truth and an unwillingness to see his part in the consequences he suffers. Having worked in the field for a brief time, I would say Hermano has more of an addicts brain than anything else. He is very much like the young men I would see coming into the program where I worked. He’s entitled, he’s innocent of any wrong-doing, he’s been wronged by someone and everyone, he’s arrogant, and he is a smooth talker. Hermano can definitely turn on the charm and I think that’s why there have been so many people, like his previous foster mom, who try so hard to reach him and to help him. But, you cannot help someone who won’t help themselves. What I also see in Hermano is an immaturity. Chronologically he might be 17 but emotionally he is only 13. And I think that too comes from the addiction. I learned while working in a rehab that people stunt their brain’s emotional growth when they start using at a young age. So, if someone starts smoking pot at age 12, their emotional maturity remains at age 12 unless they find sobriety and work towards maturity. I’m guessing this is what has happened to Hermano. I’m also guessing this is what happened to their mother. I hope we get up-dated on how Hermano is doing, but I know better than to hold my breath on that. I will ask if, in the future, we would be able to go visit Hermano at the facility – I honestly don’t know if they allow things like that, but I feel like he deserves to get visitors if he can. We shall see.

Today is our primary elections. I want to try to vote after work, but I’m not sure how I will manage with the two little ones. Usually my voting place has no wait time, so perhaps if there are some kindly grandmas around, I can sneak in and cast my ballot without much fuss. Love Bug will most likely not be wiling for anyone to hold him but me. He has become incredibly clingy lately, even when I take him to daycare. This morning he began to get the pouty lip as I handed him off to one of the workers. She whisked him away before he could really get going, but I sense this is going to become more of an ordeal. I know all kids go through that phase where they freak out if someone else other than their mom or dad try to hold them, but I worry about attachment issues. I wanted to ask the doctor what is normal but I forgot. I think I will ask the Early Intervention intake workers when they come out to see him next week. I don’t want Love Bug to have any attachment issues because of what I’ve done or not done to help him. I do know he has been a clingy and needy baby (I know, that’s an oxymoron) from the beginning. He would only sleep when I held him for the first two weeks of his life. I hope this is just a phase he is going through and that soon he will be ok with trusted adults like my parents and his daycare workers.