Mothering Day

Friday night Primero and I went to see a movie. He’s been asking to see this movie for some time now and we were able to get respite for the little one’s so we went. I thought the movie was awful, but he seemed to like it (it was called Unfriended). Saturday Primero had a special Mother’s Day presentation for his after school program, so I attended that after running some children free errands. During the performances by the many groups (drumming, tapping, singing, dancing, and a skit) they played a video in which a man pretends to give a job interview, but the requirements are outrageous – no sleep, no breaks, working 24/7 365, always being on-call – and the people he interviews are confused and frustrated by the demands. Then, just as he’s about to lose them, he says, “What would you say if I told you there is someone currently in this position? In fact, there are billions of women holding this position right now?” And it dawns on the interviewee that the man is talking about moms. And so he gives them time to thank their moms and some people cry. The whole thing makes me cry. Primero happened to be sitting with me when the video was showing and he hugged me with his head on my shoulder, which was sweet.

Primero’s girlfriend’s mother was there because the girl’s brother was in many of the same shows as Primero. I noticed her, but didn’t speak to her since I was sitting on the other side of the room. After the program was over, I stood in the back waiting for Primero to gather his things and say good-bye. The girlfriend’s mother approached me and asked if she could speak to me. I thought perhaps she wanted to apologize for being rude at the hospital. Er, no. She started off by saying that when they found out their daughter was pregnant and dating a boy who is not the father, they asked how his mother felt about it. I never hid my feelings from Primero, but he put no stock in my opinion on the matter. The woman then explained they want nothing from Primero, that the baby has a daddy and no one expects Primero to be the daddy. She said they appreciated the clothing for the baby, but that the baby will be taken care of and no one needs anything from Primero. Um, ok. The clothing was a gift, not assumed responsibility. She then dropped the bomb – “I didn’t like how you talked to my daughter in the hospital. You waited for me to leave, you could have said all that when I was there. She is still so shaken up by it.” Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!!! Hold the damn phone! First, of all I didn’t wait until she was gone. The girlfriend asked the question and I answered truthfully. I didn’t say what I really wanted to say which is, “I think you are being selfish in continuing to date Primero. If you truly cared about him, you would let him go, let him get on with his life and not drag him into your mess.” But, that’s not what I said. All I said was that she didn’t want to open that can of worms (because my feeling uncomfortable had more to do with just her and Primero still dating now that the baby is here – but, I don’t think she needs to hear all that) and that she could understand how this (Primero being involved with a teen mom) is not what I had imagined for him. I apologized for speaking without the mom being present and for upsetting the girl, but I’m not sorry. I stand by what I said. And I’m even more convinced that this is just the world’s most terrible idea. The mom is just plain rude with a capital R. In addition to apologizing for upsetting her daughter, I said I was trying to raise my son to do the right thing. I said I disagree that he’s “nothing” to the baby if he is dating her mom. He needs to respect that the girl he is dating has a child and that mother and baby are a package deal. I said I’m a single mother and I wouldn’t want any man I’m dating to treat me and my children as if the children were “nothing.” After I said that, she basically just walked away from the conversation. By that time the brother and Primero had wandered over to see what we were talking about, so I suppose she didn’t want to keep talking in front of them.  I was so angry and so frustrated by the whole encounter I wanted to scream! I wish I could lock Primero in his bedroom until he’s 18 (maybe 21, just for good measure) just to keep him away from the girlfriend and her rude mother!

After the craziness on Saturday (I got a pedicure after the program and then picked up the little ones from their respite home) it was the dreaded day on Sunday. Babies were dedicated at church (crying), the message was about mothers and women who are “mothering” having great responsibility for influencing their children and families (crying), and then refusing flowers as we hastily left the building (don’t recognize me!). As a gift, Primero got me a Facebook post. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I got a Facebook post. Nothing tangible. Not only that, but he belittled his bio mom in the post (saying I did more for him in a year than she did in 12) which made me feel bad, not good. I guess I was just spoiled by last year’s beautiful, thoughtful gift that he drew for me. I wish he had done the same thing this year, rather than publically posting something. I know that he’s angry with his mom right now, angry that she’s back in jail and using again, but I don’t think he should say such things where everyone (including his family) can see it. Plus, his feelings about his mom will change again when she is out of jail and doing better. Not only that, but who wants to be compared to someone else all their life? I just wish he could see us as equal mom with different personal strengths. I don’t know. I think the whole damn day was a wash and I’m glad it’s over.