Often times I am delinquent in fetching the mail from the
mailbox (it’s all bills anyway!) and so often times this task falls to Primero.
Sunday, he brought Saturday’s mail inside and gave me an envelope marked with
the name of a law firm. Curious, I opened it and inside found a court decree
stating that Flaco and I were no longer married, due to irrevocable differences
and a two year separation. So, it is officially over. A friend of mine kept
asking me how I felt about it, seeming to indicate I should feel sad or upset
in some way. In reality I felt nothing. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t upset or angry
or anything. The emotional part has come and gone. I guess, if I must feel something,
it would be relief. I am not tied to that man in any way, shape or form. And, I
can change my name back to my maiden name and be done with his moniker and the
constant reminder.
A few weeks ago a former foster child (Placement number 2) reconnected with me.
She was the first child I had after the break-up and the first child I took
care of all by myself. She was such a handful and after 4 months I had to ask
for her to be removed. In talking to her now, it sounds like she went into a
therapeutic hospital setting not long after she left me and was finally given
some medication. She said the meds help her calm down a lot and she’s doing
better. She’s still in foster care, waiting to see if she can move in with her
biological father. In some ways she has matured quite a bit, but in other ways
she’s very much the same. I’m glad she reconnected with me, so I can see how
she’s doing and we’ve talked a few times through Facebook and phone calls.
I know I’ve complained about it a lot, but it’s something
that really bugs me and I can’t seem to get it out of my system. Primero told
me that his girlfriend was talking to her dad the other day and her dad
mentioned that she would one day have to tell her daughter that her father is
really not her biological father, but her step-father. Apparently, they took
this to mean her father believes that they will be together for a long time and
Primero viewed it as getting her father’s approval for their relationship. I
don’t even know where to begin with all this mess. I responded by saying I didn’t
think that’s what her father meant and that I thought he could do better. Mean,
I know. But, please tell me what mother would want their teenage son dating a
pregnant girl and then thinking he would be the baby’s step-father? I really,
really, really, really hope that Primero does not begin to think of himself as
this child’s father. He is too damn young to have that sort of responsibility. And,
he has other things to worry about, like getting through high school and
learning to drive. I wish they would break up. I wish she would just let him go
and move on. He deserves to be carefree and not tied down to a young woman
about to become a mother. Neither one of them seems to understand how different
her life will be when she gives birth in a few weeks. I don’t know if Primero
is still thinking about going to the hospital when she has the baby. He hasn’t
said anything to me. Her due date is the end of this month, so the time to make
these types of decisions is upon us. I wish I were a better person who could be
more supportive, but I just don’t have that type of grace. I hate that Primero
is more concerned about how her parents feel about them being together than how
I think or feel about it. I don’t want to be combative or push them closer
together by my brash desire to have them break-up, so mostly I just stew about
this internally and pray to God Primero makes better choices for future mates.
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