Horse of a Different Color

Last Tuesday night Love Bug spent the whole night in his bed. He came to my room around 6 am to tell me he stayed in his bed because he was 5 and he wasn’t afraid and he didn’t cry. Did I just get my bed back? No. The opposite in fact.

 

A few weeks ago Chica Marie was accused of touching a friend inappropriately under a blanket. The friend’s mother works at the daycare and instructed her daughter to not play with Chica Marie and the daycare separated them to ride in different vans to the weekly outings. This is not the first time Chica Marie has been caught doing something inappropriate with a peer. A few weeks prior to the blanket issue she was supposedly trying to fix another girls shirt strap and was accused of inappropriate touching. Last year she was caught “making out” with other girls at daycare. She has had these issues pop up at school, two summers ago when she went to camp and at home, although nothing at home recently. Chica Marie was evaluated no less than three times by a therapist specializing evaluating sexual trauma in young children. The determination was cloudy because whatever happened to Chica Marie was prior to her being able to remember, mostly likely when she was pre-verbal. At best, the psychologist believes Chica Marie witnessed sexual acts of adults. There might be more to what happened and we will most likely never know fully what, if anything, happened. It does not seem to matter to Chica Marie how many times I have spoken to her about not touching other children. Getting into trouble does not seem to bother her at all. I don’t think she ever feels remorse for what she has done, only for getting in trouble. But, I feel like yesterday things moved to a new level.

 

When I got home I saw a text message from the mobile therapist. He said, “Hey, I unfortunately have some bad news that I wanted you to hear from me… there was multiple reports about Love Bug sticking his hands down other kids pants and touching kids in inappropriate places today. I’m concerned that he’s picking these behaviors up from Chica Marie… I’d recommend having them sleep in separate rooms and talking to Chica Marie and Love Bug about these issues.” I took each kid into my room to talk to them separately. I asked Love Bug if Chica Marie has ever touched him. He denied it. I talked to Chica Marie and she made weird faces at me. I want desperately for her to understand she cannot do these things. I am so worried she will go too far and end up in a lot of trouble. I don’t know what it will take to make her stop.

 

Love Bug is sleeping in my room for the time being. I don’t know for how long or what else I to do. I don’t let the kids alone together and I am going to be more strict about them walking in on each other and me in the bathroom. I am worried and I don’t know what to do. Am I over-reacting?

 

*** I wrote this earlier and recently found out from our mobile therapist that a child from the daycare reported Chica Marie’s behaviors to her therapist and now a CYS investigation is underway. I am terrified for so many reasons. Chica Marie tells tales and in the past has made up things about Primero. And I fear what decisions CYS might make in terms of keeping the children together in our home. I fear what this might mean for Chica Marie and her future. Will she be able to go to school in the fall? My brain is running through so many scenarios, it is a scary place right now. I’m trying to not think about it. I know there is documentation from the things that happened when she was in foster care and I hope those things will be taken into consideration. But, I know when tangling with CYS it is always a horse of a different color. Lord, help my family!