It's Not Just Me

Monday night I was on the local TV with my foster-adoption agency. It wasn’t for a program hosted by CHOR, rather it was a local professional who holds a monthly show called “Diversity: A Wider Vision.” For this month he chose to talk about “Adoption and Foster Care for Local Orphans.” He invited his close friends from church, a lawyer and PHD (not a medical doctor), two representatives from different local agencies (including mine) and a third adoptive mother. It was an interesting hour and probably the most nervous I’ve been on TV because I didn’t know what to expect. After the show was over, I chatted with the PHD adoptive mom. Her and her husband adopted a sibling group of three when their biological daughter was 16 years old. Their youngest child and oldest child are similar in age difference to my oldest and youngest. When we had been asked on the show what was the hardest and most rewarding things about foster-adoption we mentioned the adjustment and I said doing it alone was hard. But, off-camera we admitted it was the behavioral issues and diagnoses that were the hardest. The woman mentioned her three youngest were all diagnoses with ADHD. I said I could handle the hyper-activity, it was the impulsivity I could not figure out. She agreed and added the stealing and lying were also very hard. Her youngest had been in trouble with the law but still takes things that are not hers to take. We exchanged numbers to chat since we found a kindred spirit in what we had been handling with our kids. On the one hand, I was saddened to hear things didn’t get better as her daughter matured. On the other hand, it was nice to know a PHD and lawyer could not parent some of the difficult behaviors out of their child. It made me feel a hair less like a lousy parent. Our problems aren’t because I’m a single mother. A two parent household struggled just as much as we have struggled to wrestle with these issues. Maybe, just maybe it isn’t all my fault.