Under Pressure

I hate being pressured to make a decision. I guess it’s something most people don’t like. I feel like I do ok making up my mind on most things, but there are something I like to sit with before I decide. Again, I suppose that’s fairly average for most people. A few weeks ago I had a dream where I was being forced to make a snap decision on something that was not an easy decision to make. I dreamt I had gone to the doctor and found out I was expecting from a one-night stand. I expressed worry about handling another child alone, especially with my two complicated little ones, the doctor suggested I look into adoption. She even had a couple in the waiting room who would love to adopt my child. Before I could consent or object, the doctor brought the eager couple into the room and they plied me with questions and adoration at me being willing to “make the right decision.” Woah! I remember I tried calling Primero, but they gently took my phone from my hands, so the doctor could do an ultrasound and allow the couple to hear the heartbeat. I woke up feeling so overwhelmed. It was hard to shake the feeling of pressure even as I moved through the day. I remember wanting to scream “Wait!” and “Stop!” in the dream but being unable to even utter a polite objection. I don’t know what the dream was supposed to represent in my current life. I was struggling over making a decision for Love Bug to attend an acute partial hospitalization and get medication. Perhaps somehow my unconscious used a strangely ironic adoption scenario to help me work it out? Regardless, I’m glad it was just a dream.

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