Life Lessons

One of the hardest things for me to do as a parent is to let my children learn a life lesson the hard way. With Primero, I feel like I do a lot of that when it comes to his biological family and how he chooses to handle situations. Since she learned he has been working, Primero’s mother has been asking him for money. Or for him to buy her cigarettes. He gets upset about it and complains to me, yet most of the time he does relent and give her what she asks for. It irks me but I try to not voice my frustration. It is a decision Primero needs to make on his own. It is his money and what he does with it is his business. I try to talk to him about being fiscally responsible (yes, the proverbial pot calling the kettle black) and to not lend money he doesn’t need back. At the end of the day, I see this causing damage to their relationship, but I feel fairly helpless to stop it. I know she asks Primero because he feels the most compelled to help her. He is also the most able to, since he isn’t trying to live off of the amount he gets from his job. His basic needs (and then some) are met, so the money he earns is for him to buy non-essentials. Plus, I think she plays on the guilt he feels about being adopted and having more than she could offer him. She makes many passive-aggressive comments about him being spoiled and “acting white.” I hope Primero will be able to create a healthy boundary with her but I know it isn’t easy. Mostly, I just try to be there for when that life lesson comes crashing home. It isn’t easy.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.