Grown-up Temper Tantrums

Primero is consistently throwing “grown up” temper tantrums. He seems to think he can do whatever he wants to do, and since he is legally an adult, I can’t stop him. He chose to not come home last night, after fighting with me when I told him he needed to be home by curfew. He was at his friend’s brother’s place doing Lord knows what. Two nights ago, he drove the van in the middle of the night, without permission after I told him the brakes weren’t good. And he lied to me about doing it. Just like he lied to me about sneaking his friend into the house after I asked the friend to leave. Just like I’m sure he has been lying to me about so many things. He has become a person I don’t even know, much less like. Last night with his antics, I came very close to simply kicking him out. He can’t live by my rules (which I think are reasonable) then he doesn’t need to be in my home. Anyone who knows me knows it would take a lot to get me to this point because the last thing I want to do is lose Primero. But, I’m tired of how he is treating me and I done with putting up with his cocky arrogance and childish defiance. We keep talking and talking and talking but it never seems to penetrate his thick skull. He is getting to the point where it seems he needs to learn this lesson the hard way. He think the stipend I get for adopting him should be his spending money. No matter how many times I explain the money is used to keep a roof over his head, lights on in the house, food in his stomach, and gas in the car, he seems to think I mismanage the money and should be spending more on him and the things he wants. Like the GameFly account I already pay for, or his Tidal music account and iTunes account, or the Amazon Prime membership so he can buy things using my money and have them shipped for free, or his gym membership and accounts to Hulu and Netflix. He wants for nothing. He has plenty of fun gadgets and I agreed to give him $40 a month spending money (he chose to spend $20 of it on his gym membership). My parents stopped buying my clothing when I got a job. They never paid for me to go to the movies or go out with friends or order pizza whenever I wanted. They kept a roof over my head and paid my car insurance, but if I wanted to drive their car I needed to put gas in it. And they only paid my car insurance while I was in school and getting good grades. Primero has had summer jobs but he spends the money almost as soon as he makes it and doesn’t have much to show for it. I don’t know why he has become so irrational. I asked if he was doing drugs because his personality is so different and he seems to angry all of the time I believed his brain chemistry was altered. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get my sweet, understanding Primero back. He blames me for his lying, telling me he can’t talk to me because I just throw things back in his face. I am hurt. I am disappointed. I never thought this would be how he would act. I keep hoping something will shake him out of this. Last night, before I went to bed, I changed the code on our front door lock (it’s a keyless entry). I don’t know what else to do to impress upon Primero that his behavior is unacceptable. He doesn’t know it yet, but if he returns to the house he will find out that he no longer has van privileges and I don’t know when he might get them back because I can’t trust him. I don’t have much power, but there are some things I can control and I guess that is where I need to make my last stand. Mostly I feel like my stomach is being slowly torn out of my body and my heart hurts so bad I’m always on the brink of tears. I don’t want to keep living like this and I won’t. My beloved Primero feels lost to me and the pain is nearly unbearable. Like so many, many things in my life, this too shall pass.