Know Better, Do Better

I posted the following on Facebook, just gently pointing out how I felt,

"I wasn’t going to say anything, I was going to keep quiet, keep it to myself. But, in light of National Infertility Awareness Week #flipthescript, I’m going to try to voice something, hoping to not offend anyone. You see, I think when we know better we can do better and so I’m putting this out there, hoping we can develop some traditions that celebrate non-traditional ways of becoming a parent and creating a family. Where I work, we like to celebrate things. We have a chocolate fest/contest on Valentine’s Day, we recently hosted an international food day and we celebrate one another when happy things happen, like people retiring, getting promotions and having babies. In the past 6 months or so, there have been 3 baby showers at work. Now, I have personal issues when it comes to baby showers, so I don't attend because ugly crying is frowned upon at such occasions of joy. Still, I support celebrating a mom-to-be and her pending little one. I think it's a lovely thing to celebrate to shower the new momma and baby with necessities and adorable baby clothes. Two weeks ago I also became a mom, although I had no swollen tummy to show for it. Still, it was a happy thing, an official addition to our family. Sadly, it went wholly uncelebrated at work, barring a few hearty congratulations. Perhaps, the adoption wasn't very well known, since there were no outward signs of the impending addition to my family. So, I get it. There aren't any traditions regarding adoption like there are for biological children. But, maybe shouldn't there be? Is my motherhood less than because I don't have stretch marks and a birthing war story? Are my children less deserving of celebration (please note, I'm not trying to get things. A simple card would have made my day) because they didn't grow inside of me? Couldn't the finalization of our adoption be "showered" just like an impending baby? My point to all of this is to get you to think. In the fertile world there is tradition to celebrate adding to your family. Why shouldn't adoptive families have the same recognition? So, if you know a parent or parents-to-be waiting for that day when they officially become family, find a way to make them feel special, just like you would for a biological family. Because we all deserve our happiness to be celebrated."

I was worried it might offend or upset someone, because I'm friends with various co-workers on Facebook. I was pleasantly surprised when I got positive responses, thanking me for helping them to see things differently. And, two co-workers went together and got us a card and gift card to a local mini-golf and ice cream place. Apparently, they have a friend who is in the process of becoming a foster-adoptive family and what I said resonated with them. They never thought to recognize adoption in a similar vein to a biological child. As they said, it wasn't on their radar. So, I'm glad I didn't hold back, I'm glad I posted something even though I felt uncertain and worried. I'm glad that there are two more people in the world who "get it" in a way they didn't before. As I said, if you know better you can do better. Kudos to them!