Primero and I had a disagreement with one of his friends
staying at our house and popping up when no one was home. I was adamant about
the friend leaving and Primero was just as adamant about the young man staying.
We squared off, each taking a corner. I tried to be reasonable, I have the kid
a choice. He could re-enroll in high school (he recently dropped out), enroll
in a GED class (I gave him the information about two programs), or get a job. I
made it very clear that sitting on my couch and playing video games all day
every day was not a life style choice I was supporting. I gave him two weeks,
setting a firm date. Week one went by and he did nothing, made no visible
effort. As week two was ending I asked him about how his job search had been
going, giving him the information again about the GED program. The day his time
was up, he messaged me stating he was expecting a call about a job in two days.
I guess he thought I would give him more time. But, I was firm, this was not ok
with me not to mention the fact that having him home and on the TV/PlayStation
all day long was really driving my electric bill through the roof. This in
addition to an extra mouth to feed and whatnot. So, he left. Except he didn’t.
Primero was letting him come back to the house behind my back. And *DING*
we are knock-down, drag-out fighting. No holds bar. I tried to remain calm,
tried to remain reasonable, tried to get Primero to see reason. He was so
angry, spitting angry. And so he spit at me the harshest things, the things he
knew would cut me to the quick, deep and painful. I tried telling myself he
didn’t mean it, he was just angry. But, I physically feel the pain from his tongue
lashing. My soul hurts from him telling me we don’t have a mother-son bond,
demanding I stop calling him my son because he wasn’t my son anymore. He
threatened to leave, to walk out and not come back. I reigned myself to his
absence. I don’t know what changed his mind, but thankfully he decided to meet
me at home after work to talk about everything. There was still a lot of anger,
but it seems we are over the hump at the moment. I still worry the next shoe
will drop when I tell him I don’t want his friend back over for a long, long
time. Parenting is so hard!
I agree! Teenage BS. They all say the things that will hurt you the most, whatever they may be for each of us. They’re tantruming like toddlers. Pushing, pushing to see how far they can get, how much they can get away with. They’ll say that they hate you for your rules, but really, they need them and they need you to stand firm, don’t give in, and show them you’ll love them no matter what, through it all. You are such a great mom. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHe didn't say he hated me this time. He did before and I joked with him afterwards that it made me feel more like a mom to hear him say he hated me. I mean, it's legit when the teen tells you he hates you, amiright? I do remember, at one point, telling him he could say what he wanted, he could run away, but he could not make me stop loving him. I told him I loved him unconditionally, so that meant even when he was saying hurtful things, I still loved him. It was a very long, long day....
DeleteOy. Sounds like a long day. Hang in there, mama. ❤️
DeleteIt seems strange that our arguments seem more intense now that my son is older versus when he was younger and we were still new to one another. When we talked, civilly, later that night I mentioned how he seemed to go right for the jugular when it came to saying hurtful things. His response was, "Doesn't everyone?" I think the only reason he backed down was because he thinks I will relent and let the friend back.
ReplyDelete