We have lived nearly four years in the same town as the
little one’s mother and have never accidentally bumped into her. Until this
past weekend, that is. I took the kids to the local Cinco de Mayo festival and
we weren’t there long when we encountered a familiar face. Their mom confessed
she was nervous about approaching us, which I can understand. The kids haven’t
seen her since the summer of 2016. I had tried to connect with her a few times,
but she changes her phone number so often, it’s hard to keep up. I snapped a
few pictures of her with the kids, mostly for Chica Marie because she craves
information about her mom. But, when I asked her how I could get them to her,
she suggested I ask her mom. At one point, I thought she had flaked out on us,
since she insisted on going to buy the kids a snack (Love Bug was hangry at the
time and since he saw someone with an ice cream cone, he was demanding one),
but we waited for what seemed to be a much longer time than it should take. We
tried walking to the CVS to find her, only to see the CVS was closed. I really
started worrying, thinking she left and now I needed to explain to the kids.
But, just after I bought them shaved ice, she popped back up with a bag of
goodies. She explained she had to walk 2 blocks to find a bodega to buy some
goodies. Love Bug was mostly unfazed by seeing her, he doesn’t really have a
memory of his mom. Chica Marie was soaking up the attention, having her mom hold
her and dance with her. I thought Chica Marie might have a reaction after the
whole exchange, but she didn’t seem phased by it all. One thing she seemed
stuck on was when she kept calling her mom “Mommy V” instead of just saying
mommy. I told her she could call her mom mommy and she thought that was
strange. I explained to her it was fine to call us both mommy because we were
both her mom’s and she seemed satisfied with that explanation. Love Bug, living
in his own little world, was mostly just excited to have snacks.
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I can understand Chica Marie wanting to call her first mom "Mommy V." Because you're Mommy, maybe she feels she needs to differentiate between you both? (That is why I won't call my in-laws Mum or Dad!)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a nice encounter. And that Chica Marie is feeling very stable with you - perhaps since the adoption was finalised?
Yes, I too attribute the finalization as key to a non-reactionary visit.
DeleteI was trying to validate her mom because she was calling her "Mommy V" to her face and I said, "You can just call her Mommy." When we talked about it later, Chica Marie said, "But you're my real mom now." So, I let it go. I mean, at 7 who can really understand the complexities of adoption? I'm a grown up and it makes my head spin sometimes....
How wonderful to have an encounter that brought out healthy, age appropriate reactions in the kids. That’s great!
ReplyDelete