Mother's Day PTSD

My mother is scheduled to have her major surgery on May 10^th. This date would have been my tenth wedding anniversary, in a life where my husband wasn’t a cheating jerk. But, if you are living in the U.S. and not under a very large rock, you happen to know May the tenth is awfully close to the dreaded Mother’s Day celebration. Ugh! Every year I think, “I’m going to get through Mother’s Day gracefully” and every year I’m the total opposite. This year, I feel like I have Mother’s Day PTSD, especially after last year’s ordeal. I would gladly eschew the entire holiday, except that is not an option with my mom/family. Usually I just grin and bear it, then sob later when I’m alone. It has never occurred to my family to do anything for me, since my children are young and I don’t have a husband. I think my sister got me a card once. This year, because my mother will be in the hospital, I feel like I am free to do whatever I want. What I would really, really like to do is go away. Go anywhere but home. Go and forget that it’s the dreaded day. Go and just reconnect with the kids, somewhere without cell service and social media interruptions. Alas, this is not possible, but a girl can hope can’t she? If I had the equipment, I’d take the wee one’s camping (there’s no way on this earth Primero would go camping. I don’t even think he’d be down for glamping). I still feel the obligation to visit my mom and take her some flowers. I’m sure it would hurt her feelings if I didn’t do a little something. My sister had talked about visiting for Mother’s Day weekend, but I don’t know if she will now that my mom will be recuperating. For me, just realizing that this date is fast approaching is making me feel anxious and depressed. I’m dreading it, wishing it was already over. Intellectually, I know I should do something for myself, practice some self-care, but this feeling of impending disaster makes it hard for me to think clearly and logically. I wish I had a fairy godmother who could wave a magic wand and amazing things would appear. But, I’m not Cinderella and magic isn’t real (sorry Harry Potter fans), so I will have to decide to find a way to celebrate myself or get out my blinders and totally ignore the day.