Adversaries Once Again

After a short period of calm with the new TSS worker and mobile therapist, Chica Marie’s behaviors are ratcheting up to out-of-control territory again. She was asked to leave camp yesterday for fighting. The TSS worker had been there in the morning, but not when the incident broke out. The TSS had been telling for a few weeks now that when she leaves (she doesn’t have enough hours to cover the full day with Chica Marie thanks to the insurance company) Chica Marie acts up. It is evident, based on the patterns of behavior, that Chica Marie does not choose to continue making good choices without the external force of the watchful eye of her TSS worker. To me, this means she decides to be unruly because she doesn’t have the constant supervision. She is capable, she just chooses differently when she can get away with it.

 

I knew things being better wouldn’t last for long. I have such a negative outlook when it comes to Chica Marie, if I’m going to be totally, brutally honest here. I find myself disgusted with her behaviors a large majority of the time. I’ve been told to ignore the irritating behaviors, to pay them no mind. I haven’t figured out how to do that and not have it bottle up into a screaming match of all the irritating things that bother me all in one shot. I am almost at the point where I am contemplating taking medication to keep me from feeling the irritation; if only I didn’t find the motive so deplorable. Our last meeting with her psychiatrist was discouraging. In listening to me talk about her behaviors he is leaning more towards an ODD diagnosis rather than an ADD or at least ODD being the larger driving force. As he unhelpfully pointed out, there is no medication that really helps with ODD. Her new county case worker wants her to be evaluated again for psychological issues and hopes she will now be old enough for trauma therapy. This would be in addition to the mobile therapist and TSS worker.

 

I’m right back where I was before, when we had no professional help before the new TSS and mobile therapist started working with Chica Marie. I feel hopeless about seeing any lasting changes for this child and I find myself trying to spend less and less time with her, which I’m sure is only exasperating the situation. I just don’t like being around her, she brings out the worst in me and that feeling might be mutual. Her punishment for needing to leave camp yesterday was being my shadow as I washed dishes, folded laundry, and made dinner; she had to follow me around while I did all the boring mom chores, so no TV, no toys and no playing with her brother. When she finished dinner before me she spent the time smooshing the leftover cauliflower into the table. This morning I made her write her name rather than watch cartoons with Love Bug. She was going to daycare instead of camp because on Tuesday’s they go to the mountain’s near my family’s farm for swimming and other outdoor activities. Last week, after the second week of disturbing behaviors on the bus ride and in the locker room, the TSS and I decided she couldn’t go with the group to the camp.

 

I’m failing Chica Marie, I know this. I tried the connected parent technique but I just couldn’t get it straight. I mucked it up and so here we are again. I feel like I need an MSW to be able to parent this child. I need to re-read the Beyond Consequences book, somehow I need to make it stick. I took a week off in August. It is the first time I will have more than a long weekend away from work since Love Bug moved in, and really the two weeks I spent with him as a newborn cannot be considered a vacation! I’m partially dreading this week because we will all be together, leaving a lot of room for friction for me and Chica Marie to foil our plans for fun. In the coming weeks I really need to get a handle on my reactions, get us connected so our adversarial relationship doesn’t derail our family staycation.