Saturday was a big day for us, especially the little ones.
We attended the first ever sibling picnic with the older brothers and sisters,
some of who have never met their youngest brother. Not only were the siblings
there, but also their families and Grandma and her two other daughters. I was
nervous about the picnic. Well, really I was nervous about the reactions we
might see from Chica Marie during and after the picnic. But, it was important
that we be there. It is important that they have the connection to their older
siblings, so they can form and develop relationships with one another, even
with the hurdles of living in different towns, with different families and
having such age gaps between them.
So, we packed up the van with the food I offered to bring
and we drove the 40 minutes to the park Grandma chose. The picnic started at
noon, but we were running a little late. Still, we were the first ones there
arriving around 12:30. The park was nice and there wasn’t anyone else there.
Right as we were parking the kids aunt showed up and they started playing with
their younger cousin who is just a few months older than Love Bug. Slowly, the
other family members began arriving. Grandma, her wife, and Mini Momma followed
by the other aunt and her daughter, since her son was already there with the
other aunt playing with her step-son. Their older brother came with the twin
sisters and their family, which included multiple adult siblings and their
children and significant others. There was food, there was music and there was
lots of chatting, catching up and getting to know one another.
Chica Marie and Love Bug did great at the picnic. They
played well with their cousins and older siblings and didn’t even fight much,
which these days is a miracle. There was some awkwardness when I was talking to
the twin’s adoptive mother simply because she was so negative regarding their
mother. I sensed a lot of pent-up anger regarding the choices their mother had
made and when I tried expressing sympathy towards her, the twin’s adoptive mom
quickly shut me down, declaring their biological mother unworthy of any level
of compassion. I was glad the little ones were running around and not within
earshot of hearing what was said. It’s not that I agree with their bio mom’s
decisions because I don’t. I just think her life must have been hard for her to
be in such a mess and while she is responsible for her decisions as an adult,
she is still a human being and she certainly hasn’t had it easy. I sort of
stopped talking to the other adoptive mom after our brief conversation. I did
give her my number and suggested she share it with the older sisters so they
can stay in touch with their younger siblings. One of the older sisters
suggested she would like to come and pick up her younger siblings and spend
alone time with them, when she is older. I welcomed the idea, hoping she would
make good on this idea because for so long I’ve felt the younger ones were left
without a connection. Primero has always had his siblings around and I had
always encouraged and gone out of my way to forge relationships with his
siblings. Because I was in the system and I had ready access to the case
workers, I took it upon myself to engage Hermano, to keep him connected to
family, especially during the holidays. I always grieved the lack of connection
the little ones had to their older siblings and tenaciously followed Mini Momma
through her plethora of moves in hopes of arranging visits and keeping them in
touch. Brothers and sisters are important. I would have been lost in my
childhood without my two siblings. I could not imagine being split up and not
growing up together. Grandma had hopes that all of the siblings would be in
attendance, but sadly two were not permitted to attend. Perhaps they will be
allowed to attend a different gathering.
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