As a single parent, the county has asked me to name someone
who would take care of the children should anything happen to me. This makes
logical sense, and really any parent should have a contingency plan in place,
but I found it to be quite an emotional thing to contemplate. Originally, I thought
of my parents. They raised three kids, so they have experience, but since my
mom got sick, both my parents have developed a sort of negative elderly
mindset. I haven’t broached the subject with them, but I sense that they would
not feel up to the task. I panicked a little, thinking who would I choose,
until I naturally thought of my sister. The only hang up is that she does not
want children. And I don’t want her to feel like I’m foisting my choice to
parent upon her, but I’m really planning on sticking around for a while, so
it’s all hypothetical, right? Only, it’s a really big deal. Such a big deal
that I started crying while typing the text message to my sister. I wanted to
wait to speak to her in person when I go to visit her later this month, but it
can’t wait that long. So, I text her and got emotional. It hurt my heart
thinking I might not be there for my children, thinking of the loss they would
endure. Again. It is important to me that my children would be raised doing the
things I think are important, like making sure they keep in touch with their
families and helping them to understand race and racism, and to be cognizant of
their trauma histories. And, I would want to make sure the three of them stay
in touch with one another, since in my hypothetical future Primero would be
older and possibly moved out of the house. I would trust my sister to do her
very best in all of these areas, I just don’t know if she wants the job, even
if it might never happen. I promised her, in my emotional text, I would respect
her decision and not be upset if she said no, although I might ask her opinion
on a runner-up.
In thinking about the county requirements, I’ve also started
thinking I should probably have a living will and make sure Primero is noted as
beneficiary of things like my pension and life insurance. I have spoken to him,
as the oldest in our home, that while I put him in charge I expect him to
divide whatever assets I leave with the little ones. But, knowing how people
act when someone dies, I really should put things in writing. I hate this kind
of stuff because I don’t like thinking about not being around, but it would be neglectful
of me to not have things in order should the worst possible scenario happen. And,
I would hate for the state to keep my pension and life insurance just because I
didn’t name a beneficiary. The children
should get my money, just like they get it now, right? Just trying to inject a
little levity into the situation, but this has now moved up on my to-do list
and is priority status.
What tough things to have to think about. I'm not sure of the US requirements, but you could leave some to Primero, and form a trust for the little ones benefit, so that there's not too much responsibility on Primero's shoulders? A lawyer or the guardian of the little ones could be responsible for administering it. My understanding too is that the majority should go to dependents for their care. (Based on a conversation last week with my sister, who has a 9 year old, and her husband also has an adult daughter, who is no longer dependent. Their lawyer said the rule of thumb was 80% to the benefit of dependents.)
ReplyDeleteI consider these things to be a bit like Murphy's Law. That if you don't have Wills and procedures in place, you might need them. As soon as you make the arrangements, then you are unlikely to need them (but if you do, everything is sorted).