Last weekend I bought a pregnancy test for the first time in years. It wasn’t for me. Primero had a friend at school who was two weeks late and thought she might be pregnant but couldn’t buy a test for herself because she was afraid of
tipping off her mom. See, she had gotten in trouble for sneaking her boyfriend into the house months ago and, even though they were technically broken up, she snuck him back in and here we are. Her mom is very strict. She doesn’t like the boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend.
The girl wants to get an abortion, but in helping Primero research, she would need consent from a parent or permission from a judge because she is under 18. Her mother is suspicious, asking her why she hasn’t gotten her period yet and, as if all of this wasn’t
bad enough, the girl has renal failure due to a serious illness and hospital mess-up 18 months ago. She was telling Primero last night how her blood pressure was high and her mom wanted to take her to the hospital. Instead, she was given medication to lower
her blood pressure, but I recommended she just tell her mom what is going on, to stop lying and get help. This whole situation bothers me. It’s not my circus, not my monkeys, but still nothing about it sits well with me. I don’t like being a part of kids lying
to their parents. I don’t like the lying and secrets, because the father has not been told yet either. Teenage pregnancy, possible health consequences, abortion – nothing about this sits well with me. I have spent a lot of time talking with Primero about this,
making suggestions, researching things (like the cost of the abortion pill) and really feeling terrible about the whole damn thing. I’m lucky that Primero trusts me to talk to me about things and I told him he should always feel like he can tell me if he gets
himself into a pickle. It breaks my heart to think this girl is dealing with something so huge and feels like she cannot tell her mother. And, while I would not judge her for making the decision, I’m not a huge proponent for abortions. They were careless,
playing fertility roulette and had a previous pregnancy end in miscarriage about 6 months ago. As always, I promised Primero I would help where I could and recommended he just be a good friend to her as she deals with all of this.
This latest drama is the third teenage pregnancy I’ve endured since Primero moved in almost 4 years ago. The first was his girlfriend.
Then, his brothers girlfriend got pregnant and had a baby in August of 2016. Now, this girl. I'm not making it about me, but it is hard, being someone who cannot have children, learning of these irresponsible young people "accidentally" getting pregnant, mostly because they choose to not use protection. Sigh. It's hard, but I try to stay disconnected from it, since, like I said it's not my circus, not my monkeys. I hope things turn out well for this girl, but I sense they might not. The combination of her strict mom, sneaking around and lying, and her health issues, well, it just doesn't make for a positive outcome, honestly. I keep urging Primero to suggest she tell her mom. But, it seems her mom might get physical with her, she apparently was when she found out the boyfriend was sneaking over, so I can see why she might not want to talk to her mom. Still, if she does nothing and the pregnancy progresses, her mother will eventually find out. And, having been kept in the dark for multiple months, I don't think the mom will be any happier. Babies having babies, good Lord.
oh gosh that sounds messed up. I hope for that girl's sake that she isn't pregnant and she will be more careful in the future, also about who she chooses as a boyfriend! It's good that Primero can talk to you openly about these things. I often find it really sad/ironic that young immature people in no way ready for a baby can so easily get pregnant and people in their 30s and 40s dying to parent can have so many difficulties.
ReplyDeleteShe is pregnant. She still hasn't told her mother because she's hoping her father (they aren't together)will help her get an abortion. She told the baby's father, then snuck him in the house again for another secret tryst. She's having trouble with keeping her blood pressure under control and taking medication that could be harmful to the baby, if she doesn't end up having an abortion. It's a whole big mess, honestly. And yes, the irony of it all, being unable to get pregnant and watching this drama unfold - it's maddening actually...
DeleteI used to find this hard, but I decided that young people getting pregnant when they don't want to is just as unfair as us not being able to get pregnant when we do want to. Though as you say, there is a slight issue of personal responsibility ... but I can forgive them that.
ReplyDeleteWell done for navigating such a difficult path. I can understand why you're uncomfortable.